Dad to dad: How do I protect my children from destitution if I were to die today?

Q: How do I protect my children from destitution if I were to die today?

A: You may want to leave your estate (your money and property) to your children, but by the time you pass on, they are still too young to manage it themselves. In regular circumstances, unscrupulous individuals can take advantage of this situation, but with a trust, you give instructions that the estate be managed on their behalf until they reach a certain age where they can manage their own shares. This also works for other vulnerable beneficiaries like the disabled, very sick or elderly. You can ensure that they are taken care of regardless of your absence.

 Expert: Harry Ayodo, a practicing lawyer

Q: I am a father of two boys and I want to raise them to be upstanding responsible men. What are the things I could do?

A: Boys need to see their father succeeding among men, loving his wife and being firm but affectionate with his family. Because that becomes their model for how they should treat their wives and families.

That starts in their toddler years. Because even tiny boys pick up their father’s values, especially kindness, patience, curiosity and perseverance.

Fathers should be warm and loving, but also willing to be unpopular at times. Because sometimes it’s necessary to lean on boys pretty hard. Good parents are tough, and have high expectations for behaviour, social skills and schoolwork. While being too permissive results in boys who don’t do well as adults, and are much more likely to get into trouble.

  Expert: Chris Hart, a counselling psychotherapist

Q: There is this crop of young men on the rise leeching off women. Just because they have good looks. What can I do to ensure that isn’t my son?

A: If we teach our sons that the traditional order is gone, that it is no longer useful or necessary to ‘sit’ on women, that it is okay to marry their peers; and if we teach our daughters that they are not defined by marriage, that it is okay to have a home and children without a husband, then the handsome, lazy gigolo will be stuck with the empty headed slay queen. God knows they deserve each other.

   Expert: Ted Malanda, a scholar of the world

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