Why can’t I find a guy who’s good to me?

Hi Chris!

I’m in my late 30s, still single, and to be honest I’ve not had the best of luck with my relationships. Somehow every guy I date turns out to be a complete rogue! I really do try to go for the nice guys. Someone who’s dependable, loving, committed and one who likes children. But each time I think I’ve found one, he starts misbehaving!

What am I doing wrong?

Always Dating Rogues

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Hi Always Dating Rogues!

It’s astonishingly easy to fall for a rogue. Because their mix of bravery and confidence is so seductive.

Maybe that’s because in the past, women needed brave men to protect them and their children, hunt and provide food. Even today, going for a brave man works because all the activities that bring status and money are inherently risky. Especially reliable risk-takers, like firemen, traders, entrepreneurs or financiers. Professional courage also indicates self-discipline and dependability.

Unfortunately brave guys come in two flavours. Brave and kind guys stick around and look after you. While the rogues are brave and selfish. The sort of guy who’s brave enough to seduce you, but loses interest as soon as he’s had his wicked way with you. And heads off looking for another conquest...

Kind guys are a much better bet for a long term partner. And you are attracted to men who’re respectable, well-off, ambitious, dependable and romantic, aren’t you?

But deep down, a brave but selfish man’s always going to be much more exciting! And there’d be no rogues if girls always gave them the brush-off. But they don’t. So why do girls let them get away with it? 

It’s because subconsciously every woman wants sexy sons! The genes that made the father so attractive will be passed on to them. Which means they’re likely to give her lots of grandchildren! Which is why the good guys often lose out to the rogues. 

Those outrageous males who’re sought after by so many women. Risk-taking, competitive, dominant, promiscuous men, who’re confident, stand tall, move easily and gaze unashamedly at people. Who push people around and don’t smile much - especially at other men. The good guys attract women by showing their willingness to be good parents. They’re compassionate, kind, romantic and industrious. Rogues attract women by showing how competitive, dominant, aggressive, risk-taking and rebellious they are.

So what should you do? First of all, admit to yourself that you like being sought out by those dominant, sexy men. And then consciously choose not to date them. Only date guys who’re kind and compassionate. And all will be well in future.

All the best,

Chris

Hi Chris!

I’m very worried about my granddaughter. She seems to pick up and eat the most peculiar things! Definitely things that aren’t food. Like clay, soil, stones, paper, paint peelings and so on.

Should I talk to her parents about what I’m seeing? Or would that be interfering?

Concerned Grandfather

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Hi Concerned Grandfather!

Tiny children will eat literally anything, just because they don’t know not to. It’s called pica, occurs just about everywhere, and can be ignored unless it lasts longer than a month in a child who’s two or older. 

Pica occurs in 25-30 per cent of children. It’s unusual in teenagers, and rare among adults.

Infants and children tend to eat paint chippings, plaster, string, hair and cloth. Older children seem to go for animal droppings, sand, insects, leaves, pebbles and cigarette butts. Adolescents and adults mostly favour clay or soil.

It’s actually encouraged among adults in some communities as part of their culture. Pregnant women often feel cravings for charcoal, clay and so on. And it’s common among people suffering from mental illness.

But the cause of pica among children is unknown, though it’s most likely psychological. Because for example it’s often seen among children with little parental supervision, or who’re being abused.

So you’re right to worry. Pica can also cause infections, sometimes involving mysterious and serious symptoms which are difficult to diagnose. So you should first discretely identify possible family causes such as lack of supervision or abuse. And raise the possibility of pica if there are any medical problems.

Childhood pica sometimes stops by itself, but more often children need help to break the habit. For example, by identifying the triggers for pica - such as stress - and eliminating them. In toddlers and young children, pica may be compensating for low levels of stimulation. So, increasing the amount of attention they get from carers is usually very effective. Teaching children to distinguish between edible and non-edible items helps. Putting something sharp like lemon juice onto whatever a child’s about to put in it’s mouth is very effective, as is briefly restraining or distracting them. And of course, it’s important to remove toxic substances from the child’s environment. So do talk to your family about what you’ve seen, and try your best to help them get their children to stop.

All the best,

Chris