Unmatched sexual appetites, unmet expectations, routine, bedroom boredom and an inexistent sex life are some of the common issues many relationships face? Do you know how you rate as a sex partner? By Chris Hart
1Is your house tidy?
i) Yes, everything has to be in it’s place.
ii) It’s a mess.
iii) Sort of…
2 Are you completely open and
honest with one another?
i) No, I need my independence.
ii) I have a few small secrets.
iii) Yes completely.
3 Are you self-confident?
i) Yes of course!
ii) I’m often anxious
iii) I’m confident with my partner
4 Do you like dancing?
i) I prefer leaning on the bar
ii) Yes but I have two left feet
iii) I love dancing!
5 Are you squeaky clean?
i) Yes, I really hate germs and smells
ii) Personal grooming is over-rated
iii) Yes, except I don’t mind getting messy
during sex!
6 Are you spontaneous or prefer everything planned?
i) I like my routine.
ii) I never plan anything.
iii) A bit of both, really.
7 How happy you are?
i) There’s always something wrong.
ii) I don’t really know.
iii) I’m very happy.
8 Are you in good physical shape?
i) I like my food, and don’t like exercise…
ii) I’m a bit chunky.
iii) I’m in great shape.
9 Do you have a favourite sleeping position?
i) I need my space, so we sleep on opposite sides.
ii) What’s a sleeping position?
iii) Yes, we sleep touching one another just about everywhere.
10 Would you ever use the term ‘lovemaking’ to having sex?
i) No.
ii) Yes, but only as a joke.
iii) Yes I would.
11 How do you feel about your body in bed
i) It’s perfect.
ii) I keep the lights out.
iii) I’m OK with my imperfections.
12 Do you tease one another?
i) That’s for kids.
ii) I’m not very good at it.
iii) All the time!
13 Do you talk with your partner about sex?
i) No! That’s disgusting.
ii) I’d like too, but don’t know how to start.
iii) Almost every night.
14 Do you ever put sex in the calendar?
i) No! Sex should be spontaneous.
ii) I would if I could find the calendar.
iii) Oh yes, sometimes it’s the only way we ever find the time.
15 How often do you kiss?
i) Kissing’s so adolescent.
ii) Somehow the time never seems right.
iii) Almost all the time.
16 What’s your bedtime routine?
i) I always want sex when I get back from the bar.
ii) My partner goes to bed around 8pm and I follow when the film ends.
iii) We get ready for bed together and laugh
about our day, catch up, and let our hands
wander.
17 What do you wear in bed?
i) Traditional nightclothes.
ii) Whatever’s lying around.
iii) Nothing at all.
18 How often do you have sex?
i) Whenever I want to.
ii) I can’t remember when I last had sex.
iii) Whenever we both want to - and that’s lots!
19 Do you enjoy sex?
i) Yes, of course!
ii) I don’t get why everyone goes on about it.
iii) Yes it’s always wonderful, whatever our mood.
20 Do you know what your partner wants?
i) I know what I want!
ii) I think I do.
iii) I ask all the time.
21 Do you cuddle after sex?
i) I usually fall asleep.
ii) I can’t remember the last time I cuddled.
iii) Every single time!
22 How often do you try new positions?
i) The classic position’s the only proper way.
ii) I’ve tried one or two.
iii) Whenever I read about one I’ve never tried.
23 Do you like foreplay?
i) I’d rather just get on with it.
ii) Now and then, if I’m drunk.
iii) I love it!
24 Do you ever laugh during sex?
i) Sex is too serious for laughter.
ii) Not really.
iii) All the time - sex can be so gross and amusing!
25 If romance crosses your mind, what do you do?
i) I like to stick to my routine.
ii) I once texted my partner at work.
iii) Get started as soon as possible.
26 Do you have fantasies about
what to do in bed?
i) Never, having fantasies is wrong!
ii) What are fantasies?
iii) Yes! I plan loads of edgy stuff.
27 Does smell matter to you during sex?
i) I don’t like body odour.
ii) I hardly ever notice.
iii) I love my partner’s smell.
28 What do you think about during sex?
i) Anything and everything!
ii) Just stray thoughts about what I
need to do afterwards.
iii) I mainly focused on what we’re doing.
29 How often is it you who initiates sex?
i) All the time.
ii) Never.
iii) I don’t really keep track but it’s about even.
30 Are you ever selfish in bed?
i) It’s not selfish to want sex.
ii) No, sex is all about pleasing my partner.
iii) I need to focus on my pleasure from
time to time.
31 Where’s the weirdest place you’ve had sex?
i) I don’t do weird places.
ii) In the spare room.
iii) On a beach, in the car, in the woods…
32 Do you touch yourself?
i) I feel dirty touching myself.
ii) I’m not sure what you mean.
iii) Yes, with my partner.
33 What is the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done in bed?
i) Getting drunk.
ii) I did make out on my parents’ bed once.
iii) Well, we weren’t actually in bed...
34 Have you ever faked an orgasm (guys too!)?
i) Yes of course!
ii) No, I go until it works for me.
iii) I’ve done it a couple times, but mostly
I go with whatever happens.
35 Have you ever made a video of you and your partner doing something intimate?
i) No! That sounds disgusting!
ii) I don’t have any camera skills.
iii) Oh yes, it was fun!
36 Have you ever spanked your partner as part of sex play?
i) Absolutely not, that sounds really weird!
ii) I’d feel too silly.
iii) Oh yes, it was exciting!
