Why JKUAT is no longer ‘Juja Boys’

For a long time now, Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology (JKUAT) main campus has been known as a ‘boys’ school’. Pundits even christened it ‘Juja Boys.’ Partly, the explanation to this was the predominantly masculine, agriculture- and engineering-based courses that the college offers.

They say for every 30 boys in JKUAT, there is only one girl at the center of the circle. There is even a long standing joke that all events in JKUAT are known as Hakuna Madada Festivals.

And it was true, for a while there. The distance from the gate to the JKUAT Administration Block is roughly equal to the distance from Nairobi to Timbuktu; it’s so long, tuktuks should be put at the gate for quicker movement.

Yet, there was a time you would walk that whole distance and meet only 2 girls along the way; technically, just one, because pretty girls always walk around with ugly pals (what’s up with this nonsense, ladies?) There were, quite literally, no ladies in JKUAT. It was such a cock fest over there that the chaps over at Vaseline made a killing selling their products in the school! Until now.

A friend of mine recently shot me a text that JKUAT was holding it’s ‘Fresher’s Bash’ and that I was more than welcome. I was doing nothing that Friday so I rocked up; in a blazer so fine I’m pretty sure my boy’s girlfriend was checking me out.

My mission there was one thing; to hunt. Oh, yes! Boys will always be boys, you know. I was on the lookout for prey; some fresh meat to ‘marinate’ and shove down my thirsty throat.

I want to make it clear here today, that, as far as this boy to girl ratio is concerned, JKUAT is no longer ‘Juja Boys.’ Omera there are girls in that school; droves and scads of them. Most of them beautiful, some of them not-so-good-looking (because ‘ugly’ is such an ugly word. See what I did there?) But that is neither here nor there.

I saw ladies with smiles so large, they lit up the dark night. I saw ladies with eyes so shiny diamonds ought to be jealous. I saw ladies with derrieres so big, they could hide two full water melons. I saw thighs, ladies and gentlemen, I saw thighs so yummy-looking I almost knelt in gratitude of the Almighty’s powerful work.

I also saw ladies that shook their behinds so electrically, you would think they were powered by KPLC. I walked that same distance this time round and met thousands of ladies. I put my game face on but most of them shut me down. Still, JKUAT has ladies now folks; tons of ladies of all shapes, sizes, accents, and feet odor.

If you were worried about enrolling your boy in there for fear of him coming out (pun very much unintended) gay, then fear no more. Because someone on the admissions committee at JKUAT is finally getting their job right.