How to deal with a breakup: The do's and don'ts

When I was 18, I had my first real girlfriend. Her name was Rachel, and I could not have been more of an idiot when in love with her. We were inseparable at first. Literally, our bodies were intertwined a lot at the beginning. My friends made fun of me and rightfully so, it didn’t matter because I knew I wanted to spend forever with her. The forever ended up being 9months after I joined university.

I know what you are thinking 9 months? That is not enough time for heartbreak, well. I had known her as a friend previously while in high school and we did love each other. However, we were headed in different directions, and as painful and stupid as it was, we broke up.

I was desolate, my roommates at campus who by then were 4th years, tried everything but I was in inconsolable mess. Nothing was okay. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted to go to her place and cuddle up with her as she was living with her mum. I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted her back but the reality of our differences was too real.

As awful as it was, I am grateful for all the lessons I learned from the experience. Through the experience I earned was from my first relationship, here are some of important things to remember when your heart is broken.

Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean the right one for you. Love is a choice, not necessarily a feeling. When you love somebody, you are promising to stick around for the hard times. However, just because you love them does not mean that they are the person you were made to be with. It just means it's time to let go and let the two of you naturally take the paths you were meant to take.

Take as much time as possible to be single afterwards before getting involved with somebody. I made the mistake of jumping into a rebound relationship just a couple weeks after Rachel and I broke up. I did not love the new catch enough as she loved me. I was awful, I would talk of Mwende constantly. I would even compare them sometimes. I made her feel horrible about herself I’m sure. Obviously it ended pretty quickly and I was alone again.

Do not try to be friends with them after, it just doesn’t work no matter what. Instead it makes the heartbreak grow deeper in your heart.

Focus on self-love in your time of heartache. Nothing is more satisfying than being self-confident and knowing where your heart stands.

Although it may not feel like it at first, it is going to be okay. I remember thinking there would always be gaping hole in my heart where Mwende once stood. I promise at last everything will find a balance.

Do not try to revenge. Many ex-lovers make this mistake through posting other girls photos on social media or even sending them to her. This in turn will hurt you more. Avoid this totally for the matter of self-blame in case you want to refall with her.