‘’Why are you late today? Don’t you know today is Valentines?’’
‘’Mama Boi, Traffic in Outering is crazy’’

‘We live in Ruaka baba Boi, you work at Gigiri, how the hell does Outering Road make you come home at 2 am? You Kenyan men will kill us! If you didn’t like my Brazillian weave si ungesema kitambo nitoe!

‘Hold it, you said Kenyan men? So the rumors are true..you are dishing out to your ugly boss?’ He dashes out in anger back to Westy to meet his Gacugwa.
 
Here are my Seven Valentine gifts to you my readers. Unwrap with care!

1. Love yourself enough to leave a relationship that no longer serves its purpose. A relationship that brings more tears than laughter is only fit for a Mexican soap Opera. So when it’s only you who is giving and giving, while your dear partner is receiving and sharing with others (read infidelity) maybe it’s time to wave goodbye.

2. Love yourself enough to quit a boss: Research has proven that employees don’t quit organizations they quit bad bosses! So if you are constantly being put down by your boss for no apparent reason than malice and contempt …pack and go!

3. Love yourself enough to invest your money: You work so damn hard, toiling and writhing in sweat only for you to spend all that money in a club? With companies downsizing and retrenching staff daily, what makes you think you are cushioned from the next batch of people who will be sent home? Invest now!

4. Love your family enough to give them the gift of presence: Why do you get shocked when Brenda your lovely daughter started her periods 2 years ago but only confided in your house help and not you? Is your excuse of building her future by absenting home enough?

Well, let me burst your bubble, taking her to an International school and giving her Ksh 10,000 as pocket money can never substitute your love or presence. Please be home early today, EABL will not shut down because of your absence!

5. Love yourself enough to learn a new skill: Kenya is the only country where Ph.D. guys are tarmacking. So alienate yourself from the crowd of people with similar degrees and learn a skill that is highly needed in the job market but only possessed by the elite few. They include coding skills, foreign languages especially French, Chinese, Spanish and Arabic. Thank me later.

6. Love yourself enough to treat your body right: Exercise that body and stop over feeding it with chips and beer. Avoid stress and jog in the morning instead of sleeping for ten hours. Your waistline and lover will thank you for it.

7. Love yourself enough to be economical with your words: Unless you are Maina Kageni and you are paid a fortune to talk for 4 hours, save your family and colleagues their precious eardrums. Rumbling and complaining a million times about your life is what journals are made for!

A toast of honor and Happy Valentines!