The Siren: Dear Mama na Baba Abby

Let me start by thanking both of you for serving us a most welcome and entertaining distraction and diversion from our monotonous diet of politics.

We thank fate for allowing us this rare opportunity to see Baba Abby as more than a God–fearing, verbal fire spitting, hustler politician with a penchant for emotional tearing sessions.

Since we now find ourselves privy to some elements of your love life, it is only fair and fitting that we offer a few words of wisdom and unsolicited advice.

Let us start with Mama Abby. I really hope your now public search for justice for your daughter is coming from a genuine and authentic place. I can only but hope you have weighed the pros and cons of your actions and I hope you are ready for the merciless onslaught that will inevitably come your way since you have dared to attack the carefully crafted image of one of the most politically powerful and ambitious men in this country.

Likes and pokes

I hope you are in this because you want the best for your child not because you are looking for more likes and pokes in your social media profile.

The truth of the matter is there is nothing that unique about your situation - young university lasses have helped many a married men manage their mid-life crisis by massaging their shaky self-esteem and by propping their withering libidos.

Mama Abby, based on the affidavit that mysteriously found its way into both social and mainstream media, you are working hard to sell us the story of being a hapless victim.

Yet in my view, you are a victim of among other things, your past inability to manage and mortgage your most prized acreage of human real estate. It is hard for us to take pity on you and any female university student who allows a few random seconds (or minutes if you are lucky) of pleasure to become a lifetime of responsibility.

Mama Abby, I can only but assume that you are either a hopeless romantic or your partner in crime is extremely stingy because a receptionist’s job does not seem like a fair return on your investment.

Mama Abby, I sincerely hope that your team of lawyers rescues you from your self-inflicted victim status because as we know most Kenyan men come equipped with a natural propensity for evasion of responsibility especially for their own seed.

Let me now turn to Baba Abby! It seems that you have chosen to manage your bedroom affairs through social media and decided that matters of your virility are best managed through the 140 character count. As expected, most Kenyan men gave you a standing ovation when you fired your first tweet salvo taking.

Most men were saluting you for firing that first tweet salvo where you took responsibility for your actions and just like every other politician blaming your enemies for your woes. Yet I found your public responses a bit irresponsible and a tad emotional.

As much as you clearly dislike the position you find yourself in, Mama Abby is not your political adversary – she is your eternal reminder of your crime of unprotected sex outside the hallowed grounds of your marriage.

Sticky mud

We of course recognise that the best politician is the one who throws the most sticky mud at their opponent. However, when it comes to mopping up bedroom affairs, one must be more tactful - if in doubt ask your namesake Bwana Clinton.

Your attempts at attacking Mama Abbys’ track record – just because she has had some more children with some other men (besides yourself), is really the height of hypocrisy. As a self-professed born again Christian, I find your zealousness in casting the fist stone a bit too self-serving considering that you too have fallen way short of the expectation of the one man, one woman philosophy.

You seem to have your guns squarely aimed at Mama Abby that you appear most insensitive to the damage on Abby, who must be a most impressionable pre-teen.

We have seen you battle fiercely for many things but I find it interesting that at no point did you fight to protect Abby’s privacy that has been so publicly violated.

Mama and Baba Abby, both of you need to just grow up and do what is best for the child you created.

Yes, we will be entertained and enthralled by all the missiles and scuds you throw at each other (and the memes that follow), but at the end of the day you are two adults who have brought a child into this world. Cut out the drama, stop entertaining us and raise your child.

Your Sincerely,

Njoki Kaigai

njokikaigai1@gmail.com