A Christmas that never was

A day like this back in the days in the village I would have been voted the best behaved boy. Not that I cared much about good behavior but during December festivity good manners came with goodies.

That Xmas of 1997 was to be the best because, my mama was satisfied that I was good and genuinely well behaved. She measured the length of my foot with a stick and the waist with a string. Both were to be used as samples for the new outfits for the D-day: shoes and trouser respectively.

When mama went to the market she was to buy me new shoes. The white ones we called Reebok sports, which were to perfectly match with the red and black striped trouser-the one that never got torn. That trouser was made by something stronger and tougher than Dumu Zaz mabati.

It was tougher than the crown paint being advertised on Ring Road Kilimani, off Ngong road eti "it is ruff n tuff... it last longer than your boyfriend". This advert needs to be removed, someone advise Crown Paints it is unfair to those who call us as such, and I hope Suzzie does not pass by the road. Leave that please!

My younger brothers always got newer and fashionable shoes like the award winning DH. We called them "Dire hakiri" haha Latin word for lack of wits. Like you know my sister came just the other day but she has ‘defeated’ us all in gaining favors from my parents. It is OK, I have no hard feelings; she is my sister, my only sister.

I remember so well when Jamhuri came, it was a day of sharpening the teeth in anticipation of Christmas day. On 12th we pruned the overgrown live fences and shaved the fake Merino sheep that was specifically zero-grazed for X-mas. This exercise was absolutely necessary and mandatory just in case the sheep was full of fur and had no tangible meat. That way a plan B was inevitable.

On that occasion, my mama had measured my foot but she had found out that my feet were not uniform. The right one was thicker than the left. I tried to explain to her it was meant to be like that and all humans were like that but she claimed it was as such due to a part of dirt that had accumulated on it. When I bathed for more than two hours, surely they became equal but she had already left for the market.

Anyway there was no need to because she forgot one of the sticks and the one she had carried broke into two pieces.

She just bought the shoes as per the two sticks and they could barely fit on me.

My smaller brother wore them happily but of course he kept adding some pieces of old newspapers into them. They were bigger for him but goods once sold were and are still not acceptable. He got two pairs of shoes while I got none!

At least mzee, my father, did not see the need of getting new clothes for himself. He told me that the firstborn sons are like the fathers so I was good enough to understand that there was no need for new attires. Well I had to get his word, but behind the scenes tears rolled down my cheeks. But we always find ways to survive.

The 12^th was fine though the cock that we were to enjoy got eaten by some funny cat-like animal called nguchiro. That day I wondered why Noah had brought the predator in the ark. Plus, now, am wondering about the mosquitoes; the Pope fears them a lot but he can’t blame us. The tropical lands are like that papa. We are sorry. And by the way we have been waiting for a report of how you fared while you were here. While you left we are talking of Eurobond money, I mean talking, NOT recovering the Eurobond money. Leave that please....

Back to the story, to add salt to the injury, come eve of X-mas the sheep was grounded by the neighbor. The X-mas sheep had broken into his garden of young leafy cabbages and had enjoyed so much until it lay on them due to overfeeding. He "arrested" the sheep so easily. Stupid sheep and we were to eat it but IT GOT itself arrested. The neighbor illegally and forcefully withheld it as court exhibit.