Ten jobs in Kenya that deserve new titles

As a Kenyan dies of cancer every day, another Kenyan is busy stashing health fund in his already inflated pocket. 

But despite this negative notion, Kenyans have a hardworking and hustling spirit and Barrack Obama is proof enough! 

There are some jobs that Kenyans do that that are of great service to the community and deserve a standing ovation.

Here are the top ten jobs that deserve a new title:

1. Security Guard: As you warm your bed at night next to your missus, the watchie will brave the cold night and risk his life to protect you. In this era of al-shabab and gun wielding youths, this guy deserves a presidential award.

New Title: Life Risk Manager

2. Butcher: This name already sounds like murder. You have a round kitambi thanks to his connaissance of quality meats. He recently bought a new machine that can vend meat as cheap as 30 bob so that you don’t have to be a herbivore at mid-month! And all you can do is call him ‘modo wa nyama’ Shindwe!

New title: Nutrition Specialist

3. Teacher: We all passed through the hands of a teacher. They always seem to have extra hands to handle all the toddlers in class. She manages to control a class of 30 students the whole day when the average Kenyan parent can’t handle a child for 2 hours without taking a painkiller. It’s unfortunate that they still battle to have decent wages in the 21^st century. You can enjoy reading this newspaper thanks to a teacher.

New title: Life Changer specialist.

4. Driver: The economy would go on a standstill if all deres in Kenya went to strike. They work around the clock in matatus and as chauffeurs to make sure that we move from one point to another. They rarely spend time with family since they leave the house before dawn and return at midnight.

New title: Transport manager

5. Cook: Sounds crook already! The chap sweats in the hot kitchen to make sure you enjoy your short office break from an annoying boss.

New title: Nutrition manager

6. Barmaid: All the Kenyan men should stand up for this! After a tough day at a work, she adorns her mini skirt and a killer smile despite her meager pay so that you can enjoy your cold beer bila stress. Tip her generously.

New title: Beverage manager

7. Kanjo: Before you start throwing stones, think of all the services these guys offer to the city. Think of the business licenses and manning the crazy Nairobi traffic. Forget about their infinite love for kitu kidogo and remember that your wife gave birth at the kanjo dispensary for free.

New title: Public Service Officer (PSO)

8. Mboch: Such a derogatory name! She breaks her back the whole day cooking for your annoying and indiscipline kids. She sleeps at midnight after serving your hubby food because your corporate position at work cannot let you serve your husband dinner! She deserves a 200% pay increment.

New title: Housekeeping manager

9. Hawker: He is the real torch bearer of vision 2030. 

He does not fear nasty kanjos or the deadly teargas.

He manages to get you a 200 bob mtumba designer heel to impress on your interview and before you know it you have joined a local bank as you clack your heels all day in a banking hall.

New title: Street business manager

10. Pastor: I am not talking of the Ksh 310 conmen but about the diligent men of God who nourish us with spiritual food. They champion for the rights of the marginalized and make Kenya a better place.

New title: Soul manager