Maseno Uncovered: 6 ways to be famous in Maseno University

Two years ago I joined varsity, just two months after clearing high school. The excitement couldn't be quantified, finally I was here. This is the place my high school math teacher used to mention countless times in his boring class.

"Msijana,pita hesapu uende university," he'd say. It was a different world altogether. For the short time I've been here, I’ve learnt a thing or two about this institution along the equator among them how to be a celeb the Maseno way.

1. Walking Dictionary; if you've been to Maseno University then you can attest to this. There's this breed of 'Americans' Obama seem to have forgotten when he left the country after his visit. The walking dictionaries; with a touch of English accent in their speech that leaves you wondering who they're trying to impress. Wonder no more, this group of young men & women are on every comrade’s lips. Their accent has earned them a space in the campus celebrity world. So why don't you Get that English accent, use pompous words in your speech the PLO Lumumba way and sail your way up stardom?

2. Live large. Get a 'decent' bedsitter off campus. Furnish your crib: It's simple; Buy a cheap carpet from the local shops, a woofer & if possible a second-hand tv set & a fridge. Invite your friends over to your place to let them see how good life is treating you and while at it don't forget to give them turungi for 4pm snack or that cheap wine you got the last time you were in town, trust me you'll be the talk of school.

3. A ride is a plus. You probably must have come across the 'public figures' & rich kids of Maseno; those that drive to classes daily in different cars. You'll see them masquerading in Noahs and Voxys along the campus streets. Well, if you'd want to be a varsity celebrity you'd better think of getting a car already.  It's easy, go to town, hire a car of your choice and voila! You're good to go. It's only $30 a day, pocket friendly, right? 

 4. Facebook loud mouth. If you don't have a Facebook account create one immediately after reading this piece. Having an account will give you the opportunity to get attention from every nook & cranny of the varsity. I said Facebook because Twitter isn't for you wannabes. Be a pain to them all through long, boring insulting posts. Litter their timelines with photos of you with who's who in the political world to those of you with pretty lasses & don't forget to share those photos you took the first time you held $1000.Yap your all in that social market cum students' political platform~ CPP.  They'll insult you but at the end of the day you'll have achieved what you wanted, fame.

5. Brokerage is bae being a broker pays. Start off by being a student’s loan firm secretariat to forming a student's movement of the school you belong. Con those naive first years who know nothing about your illegal trade. Milk them off their cash dry. By the time they'll find out you'll have been famous. And we all know, there's no negative publicity. So you have nothing to worry about. If you succeeded in making them believe you what will prevent you from rectifying your tarnished image?

6. Vie. There's something about declaring interest in vying for a Maseno Uni elective post. It will put you on the map instantly. From first to fourth year students, yours will be an unforgettable tale. Yes, because you vied. And if you lose you'll be even more famous as they'll want to know how life's treating you after 'thee' elections.