El Nino to hold sway on future leadership

NAIROBI: All the signs show that change is coming to Kenya in the near future. If the ICC doesn’t get our leaders first, El Niño will be on hand to finish the job. That is what will be left of the country after thieving cartels have stripped off our heritage in some elaborate scam that will force this government to declare Kenya bankrupt.

The sacred Mugumo tree has fallen and that can only mean that change is in the offing. The same happened before independence and the colonialists had to hand over power to Kenyatta. In the run up to the 2012 General Election, another Mugumo tree fell and with it the old guard of the Kibaki generation had to hand over to Kamwana and arap Samoei. Now that the sacred tree has been uprooted by unseen hands on a calm day, it means an overhaul of alliances is about to happen.

The time is up for leaders who plot to gag the media from reporting sleaze and dishonourable conduct in the House. This is after sponsoring a Bill to award a generous pension to election losers so that they can maintain their illegitimate lifestyle when they can no longer claim false mileage and are not liable for those obscene sitting allowances.

After the more than Sh100,000 wheelbarrows fiasco in Bungoma County alongside the golden gates of Nyamira and Meru County’s Sh8 million curtains, the government is proposing Sh37,500 bar soap to be distributed to Kenyans who will be affected by El Niño. The Pope had better get here fast.

Otherwise by the time the pontiff shows up, the National Disaster Operations Centre, prompted by the weatherman’s prediction will leave the government with no other option but to borrow from Mshwari after exhausting all other avenues of lending.
This should not come as a surprise as the country runs on Mpesa according to local adverts. Meanwhile, credible reports indicate that whereas authorities are trying their best to mitigate against the phenomena that turns the entire country into Budalang'i, the citizens are doing their best to stock up for the rainy season. It goes without saying that when heavens finally open, accessing shops for these basic necessities will not be an easy task. Therefore forewarned is forearmed.

But the tragedy would be failing to cash in on El Niño. With many in administration squandering resources in the name of El Niño, it is a wonder sponsors are yet to activate their lobbyists to protest poor weather predictions and its subsequent wasted budgeting. Meaning all those stealing in the name of El Niño may just get away with it. It is prospects like this that makes some of us to demand action. Why mwananchi should be left out of the disaster fund bandwagon could be the real tragedy. If there is fairness in this land, we should be allowed a piece of the action.

Since all the sabuni (soap) and sanitary towels to be distributed to Kenyans affected by El Niño has been budgeted for, I propose a tender be awarded to supply umbrella, gumboots and raincoats to all the tots who never got the laptops they were promised by the government.

And after supplying them at a price that will be inclusive of VAT, I too will remember the El Niño with fond memories like the rest of the busybodies in this country mitigating the disaster using taxpayers money. And ladies will require non carcinogenic weaves that don’t drench in the rains. Someone else could supply that too. El Niño might just determine the future of leadership in this country, the Mugumo is never wrong.