Learn to shape your child's life

School holidays are coming to an end and parents can be relieved that order will return to their homes.

Every holiday presents the recurring challenge of finding something to keep the children busy and away from mischief.

I was talking to an associate and he awakened me to a new contender to parental influence. He has teenage daughters. During the holidays, in between performing their chores and studying, the girls spent almost all of their free time watching TV.

What concerned my friend was not their TV watching but what they were watching. There are many shows on both free-to-air and Pay TV channels nowadays.

Some of these programmes show the day to day lives of celebrities, socialites and families going about their businesses. The appeal of these shows comes from controversial characters of dubious values interacting with one another and the society around them.

That antisocial behaviour is good for TV ratings, but it might be bad news for your impressionable teenager.

Some studies have shown that watching reality shows with lots of what is called relational aggression such as exclusion, manipulation and bullying can make the young people more aggressive and anti-social.

These findings are probably worth taking note of, if you are a parent. This is one form of media that may appear harmless, but it can be the leading peddler of values directed at the youth.

Teaching values involves time, a commodity in short supply for many parents today.

As such, there are very many other things that are shaping children’s perspectives more than ever before.

Children are not going to develop their value system much by what they see around them, thus, there is increased need for parents to be their role models.

Live the values you teach: Children learn and internalise from seeing how parents act in different situations throughout the day.

All the teaching in the world can be undone if your children observe you behave in ways that contradict what you say you stand for.

Your children will not see the importance to persevere if you routinely give up on exercise programmes or diets; or quit college classes when the going gets tough.

Children overhear your interactions with others and observe how you treat others. If there is a deviation between what you say and what you do, your children will ignore what you tell them. But if your actions are consistent with your words, then your message gets to be reinforced.

Apologise to your children when you make mistakes: This is much more difficult than it sounds. However, it has immense worth in helping a child internalise great values. Seeing a parent eating humble pie when they fall short, shows them that their parents value and respect their thoughts, perspectives and feelings and are serious about upholding their principles.

Use everyday experiences as a catalyst for conversation: Something is always happening that can provide you with an opportunity to teach your children about values.

Utilise these incidents as ice breakers. It could be an occurrence you hear about in the news; something you or your children are doing or something you observed someone else do. These can make impressionable on-the-spot lessons.

View mistakes as learning moments: Life decisions come early and peer pressure may cause children to make mistakes and not live up to your values on their own.

Some times, the mistakes are fairly inconsequential and and at times, they have serious consequences. In either case, remember to keep the relationship with your child a priority, and seek ways to learn from the mistakes.

Walk together through inevitable consequences  and also come up with alternate strategies for dealing with the issue in the future. That partnership will pay off in the long run.

Instilling values in a child may seem tedious and repetitive but it is, the most important legacy a parent can give a child. Give this some serious thought, it could save you and your child.