Baby will have her way

People often come down on me for claiming that there is a “gay agenda” that seeks to create a homosexual frame of reference when discussing any issue on the global stage.

They quickly assume that I am anti-LGBTI (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex) because I refuse to regurgitate the prescribed, politically correct position.

I am a very loud proponent of human rights, no matter who humans choose to sleep with, but refuse to become part of a system that puts every dissenting view on LGBTI rights into a box marked “other”, and then brands it illegitimate. Everyone has a right to their own thoughts and perspectives.

Even my sassy, lil’ miss.

At 14-months, Adoti always has a secret agenda. In her world, there is nothing like a free lunch, unless she is the only one at the table.

In that typical, I-can-walk-and-almost-talk kind of “new-toddler-in-town” way, she truly believes that the world revolves around her. And to be honest, it does.

If Adoti is not happy, ain’t nobody happy, and that is a fact of life.

Lucy, our not-so-new nanny, defers to the girl-child’s every whim. She is familiar with Adoti’s arsenal of agendas and can recognise them a tantrum away, but she gives in to the little tyrant’s demands every time.

Mama on the other hand, tries to be strong. I usually put up a good fight, but sadly, I have not won a battle yet. Here are some things I have learned in the process:

Hunger makes Mama angry.

Truer words have never been spoken, but in Adoti’s world, it does not matter if you have not eaten for a week, her tum tum comes first. So there you are, starving, but at the same time having to prepare food for the child and feed her. When you are done with that and have fixed your own plate, you have to share that too. You stuff your anger with food but since you never eat to your fill, it never quite develops into full-blown rage. Ah...a silver lining.

Sleep deprivation makes Mama angrier.

Out of the blue, Adoti changed her sleeping pattern.

So suddenly, she is a morning person, up with the roosters and crowing just as happily. Rarely does 7am find the child in her bed.

Now, Mama is a night owl, who would not recognise an early morning if it shined a torch in her face. Do you see what is wrong with this picture?

Surely, God has a sense of humour because otherwise, the girl-child and I would not have ended up in the same family.

Early mornings and long days after late nights are a recipe for disaster. Well, in my book at least. My daughter just seizes the day and runs with it — all day long, with nary a thought for the woman who gave her life.

I did not realise I was the type to maintain a raised voice over an extended period of time, but it is something I can now claim as part of my character. Yup...silver lining.

Crying was invented by the devil.

In the girl’s defence, she has a vocabulary of less than 10 words. So crying is her go-to form of self-expression. It must be so frustrating for her to have something to say but not be able to say it. It is even more frustrating for me.

There is nothing quite like the persistent shrieking of a child, especially when the crying jag begins after dark. For some reason, children prefer their shenanigans to be shrouded by the cover of night. The more I try and soothe the screaming child, the louder she cries, her screeching propelling me to the very edge of absolute, unadulterated madness.

Here is the thing though, you have just two options. Throw her out of the first floor window or quiet her down so she can lay her head down to sleep.

No points for guessing that the first option is not viable — even though it should be — so eventually, she stops wailing and falls asleep.

Crying may come from the devil but sleep is a gift from God, and the fact that I can now fully appreciate that is yet another silver lining.

What does not kill ... does not kill you.

If there is one thing that motherhood will do for you, it is to reveal the strength and depth of your character. You will survive anything and everything, if at the end of it you have a happy, well-adjusted child.

Your patience and perseverance will be tested repeatedly, and while your grip on sanity will slip time-and-time again, you will come out of it a better caregiver, more in tune with the endless needs of your offspring.

So while it does not sound like it, I love my sassy, lil’ miss with every fibre of my being. And that my friends, is a silver cloud with its lining thrown in for good measure.