Learn from failures of other people

In this piece about overcoming failure, I will refer to my conversations with a friend who has been struggling with a drinking problem for some time.

He once told me that any time he failed in his resolve to stop drinking he would go into a dark space.

This was made easier because of the accompanying mess that would usually follow his falling off the wagon.

The dark side of failure whispers discouragement and encourages giving up.

He, however, discovered a way to deal with these dark moments of failure and he advised me thus: Get out of your head because that is where all the negativity is in.

The reality is that you will recover and gain insight, knowledge, experience and wisdom that only those who tried something can lay claim to.

Step out of your personal negative sphere and reach out to the people around you who care; the people whose company you enjoy and instead of just focusing on yourself, learn how other people cope with failures.

Stop worrying and start smiling. Yes indeed, the sun will come up again tomorrow. Yes, things might look miserable for a little while but how will worrying help?

The greatest favour you can do yourself during failure is to inject humour into your reflections of what went wrong.

Treat each failure as a gift of learning what not to do in the future. Failure can help you discover your best self.

Failure is all about mastery. It is easy to move from one endeavour to another and be a Jack of all trades and a master of none.

Failure teaches you about persistence, willpower, self-discipline, and the value of hard work. Focus on trying again.

Industrialist Dale Carnegie once said that it was essential to “develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”

Persistence is the source of success for the many people. Overnight successes are rare and most likely it comes to people who have been trying and failing and trying many times over.

Motivational speaker Anthony Robbins says that, we do not just grow for ourselves, we grow so that we can contribute well beyond ourselves.

Finally, let go of boredom and live large. Failure is the flip-side of success and without failure, there would be no joy in pushing against the odds.

The truth of the matter is that it is a tough world and we are all longing for everything to be simple and easy without any bumps — the sooner we realise that life is not a highway, the sooner we will be comfortable about the bumps.

Count every trial as an act of resilience, a small success in itself. A successful sales person looks at the proportion of successes to failures and gets used to “No” most of the time as just part of the job.

And if ever you find yourself thinking self-piteously: “I wish I were as lucky as so and so,” remember that luck is just that, luck. Life is about good management, not luck.

One of the techniques my friend told me he had used in his struggle with alcohol was stepping back a bit and giving himself some breathing space.

Never let it look like it is the end of the world.

Get over whatever happened and move on with your life.

If you cannot do it alone, get help and talk it through with a trusted friend, family,  mentor, priest, pastor or a therapist. Do not suffer in silence.