Deal with trauma at your own pace

By God’s grace, I have never had a traumatic life-threatening experience. I have, however, spoken to people who have been exposed to such or dealt with victims of traumatic experiences.

One such person is a disaster management consultant, a woman who was involved in the disaster management and relief effort in Haiti in 2010 after a devastating earthquake killed more than 160,000 and displaced close to 1.5 million people.

The woman told me that the destruction she witnessed was before then unimaginable to her. She met a nine-year-old boy who had been knocked unconscious by the quake. He woke up to find all his family members dead.

He had been protected by a wooden beam that got lodged in some rock before striking him. But he woke up to nothing and nobody.

I spoke to her recently and as we discussed the ongoing terror attacks that are distressing Kenyans, she shared some tips on how disaster victims and their supporters can begin to deal with the trauma.

• Give yourself time. It can take time — weeks, months maybe years — to accept what has happened and to learn to live with it. One may need to grieve for who (or what) they lost.

• Actively find out what happened.

It is important to face the reality of what happened rather than wondering about what might have happened.

• Be involved with other survivors.

It can help to spend time with others who have been through the same or similar experiences because they know what you have been through.

• Ask for support. It can be relieving to recount what happened. You may need to ask your friends and family for the time to do this. They will probably not know what to say or do initially but let them just listen. Do not be embarrassed if you cry when you talk; it is natural and usually helpful. Take things at a pace that you feel comfortable with.

• Get into a routine. Even if you do not feel much like doing what you normally do, just try to re-establish a routine.

• Do some ‘normal’ things with other people. Sometimes, you will feel you want to be with other people, but not to talk about what has happened. This can also be part of the healing process.

• Take care. After a traumatising experience, people are more likely to have accidents because their minds become preoccupied. Be careful around the home and when you are driving, crossing roads or doing something dangerous.

• Exercising your body helps, for instance jogging, walking, aerobics and relaxation exercises such as yoga, stretching and massage.

• Pray for understanding and peace.

• Write about your experience if you can. Do it in detail, just for yourself or maybe to share with others some time.

What should they NOT do?

• Do not bottle up your feelings. Strong feelings are natural. Do not feel embarrassed about them. Bottling them up can make you feel worse and damage your health.

• Do not hesitate to ask for some time for yourself. At times, you may want to be alone or just with those close to you.

• Do not take on too much. Being active can help take your mind off what happened. However, one needs time to think and go over what happened so they can come to terms with it.

• Do not use alcohol and drugs. Alcohol or drugs can temporarily blot out painful memories, but they will stop you from coming to terms with the reality of what happened. They can also cause depression and other health problems. Also avoid overuse of stimulants such as sugar, caffeine, or nicotine.

• Do not (at this point) make any major life changes. Try to postpone any big decisions. One’s judgment may not be at its best and one may make choices they later regret.

Should professional help be sought?

Family and friends will probably see one through this difficult time. However, a professional’s help may be needed if the feelings are too much for one to bear.

As they heal from their wounds, survivors of trauma find they are also developing inner strength, compassion for others, increase in self-awareness, and often and most surprising, a greater ability to experience serenity and joy more than ever before.

The author is a life coach and founder of Peak Performance International, a human potential development firm.