My baby the entertainer

My tongue is usually wedged firmly in my cheek when I speak about enrolling the child in a performance arts school, becoming a ‘momager ‘and grooming her for fame and fortune.

But it seems I have been underestimating my girl child.

How very cliché!

I kid you not, the little woman is an entertainer.

Every developmental milestone is welcomed with a good dose of drama.

Take the whole crawling thing. She started off propelling herself forward head first. Now she has figured out that movement is easier on her hand and knees.

But yeah, what is life without a bit of fanfare?

I doubt she even considered going through the basic hand-knee-hand-knee motion.

Instead, she gets up on all fours and does a few mini press ups to start.

Then she bounces on the spot for a few. When she feels limber enough to make a move, she rocks back and forth.

Finally, she hops forward like a bunny rabbit in a cabbage patch, feeling very accomplished with herself.

She does all this to a soundtrack. “Ta, ta, ta....ta ta ta.”

It is the latest and only addition to her vocabulary.

Every times she speaks, I respond with, “Ma ma ma...ma ma ma,” but so far, nothing.

The six-month-old will not be influenced by her mother.

Lord knows what will happen at puberty.

Now that she can hop, the house is her oyster and she is trying to eat it.

Nothing exists in baby’s world unless she tastes it.

She puts everything in her mouth — the remote control, her feet, my feet, her clothes, my keys...everything. She even licks my face. In the beginning I thought she was trying to kiss me and my heart went all warm and fuzzy, but no. I was just getting the ‘I have tasted you so you must be real’ treatment.

At the start, she would put things in her mouth indiscriminately, but of late I have noticed a pattern.

You know those little, square or rectangular tags that they put on clothes?

The ones with the washing instructions? Yes, those ones.

They are her favourite things to eat. She can fish them out on any garment and it is quite amazing to watch. I have seen her do it with all kinds of things, new and old.

She just fiddles with the things until she locates the tag, turns it over once or twice like one would a choice piece of meat and then puts it in her mouth.

Nutritional value

“Ta ta ta...ta ta ta,” she chants, in between chomps, extremely pleased with herself.

Now if only they had any nutritional value. When it comes to normal food, the child is very picky.

So far, she only likes yellow food. And if it is not prepared exactly the same way every single time, she will not eat it. Yeah, this coming from a girl who eats fabric!

I have tried to hide all sorts of other food in her butternut or her carrots but the little entertainer is sharp. She can sniff out a fake a mouthful away.

 Wheedle her

When I have put something in there that she does not like, which is more or less everything, she sticks her thumb in her mouth and turns her head away. Not to be defeated, I try and wheedle her into it.

“Go on baby, just try some. It is very good. Promise!”

She turns and looks at me, still sucking her thumb. Then she takes it out and I prepare to do my victory dance.

“Ta ta ta...ta ta ta,” she goes, and the thumb goes back in her mouth. I should have learned by now that my I am no match for the child. She is a ninja.

So the battle continues on all fronts. But I would not have it any other way.

I am so privileged to watch her days unfolding, to see her discover new things.

To watch her literally take a big bite out of life every second of every day, and to see her savour it. Now that is some good living.

At half a year old, the child sets a good example. She is very clear about what she likes and what she does not, what she will put up with and what she will not. For her it is black and white.

Lingala ya baby is not complicated. If more of us lived our lives that way, everything would be much simpler and this world would be a much happier place.