Pain as new mothers resume sex too early

It has emerged that women are suffering silently as many are resuming sex too early or too late after giving birth.

Different stories told by women I’ve spoken to indicate they resumed sex at different times, ranging from three days to 18 months after delivery. Many said they were coaxed into early sex by partners or felt they had to comply with their husband’s demands while others had to wait until the baby was weaned.

Molly, a resident of Kondele in Kisumu, had a baby girl. She came back on day four with a broken episiotomy (a surgical incision between the vagina and anus made to ease the baby’s passage during labour, which is then stitched).

“l resumed sex after only three days because of cultural dictates. According to the culture, if one delivers a girl, the man must ‘enter’ on day three and clean the birth canal. If the baby is a boy, the ‘cleaning’ happens on day four,” said Molly.

Anyango from Nyalenda had the same experience on day four.

“My husband wanted sex and I had no option but to let him. If I did not give in to him, perhaps he would try to get it from somewhere else like from commercial sex workers and that would expose us to risks such as HIV and other STIs,” she said.

Women often experience sexual problems on resuming intercourse after childbirth, yet these are usually not reported and no medical interventions are sought. This could reflect a lack of communication between women and their care givers with regard to postpartum sexuality.

These problems include superficial or deep pain during sex, vaginal dryness or insufficient lubrication, vaginal tightness, looseness and discharge, loss of sexual desire and bleeding or irritation after sex.

This is a silent affliction, as worrying about sexual activity after childbirth could be detrimental to a woman’s quality of life, negatively affecting her social, psychological, physical and emotional well-being.

In some societies like the Yoruba in Nigeria, abstinence can be as long as 33 months. This practice denies women their conjugal rights.

On the other hand, among the Banyankole in Uganda, spouses are culturally obliged to resume sexual intercourse shortly after delivery to celebrate the new baby’s arrival.

Health practitioners will often advise that it is safe to resume sexual activity anywhere from four to six weeks after childbirth. The overall caution is not to rush and to adopt comfortable positions.