Confusion reigns about dating and marriage among believers. What are the rules? What is God’s perspective? Consider the scripture below:
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
The Word warns against dating and marrying unbelievers. Why get involved emotionally with someone that you should not marry?
When we love someone, we often think we can pull off ‘missionary dating’, which is dating a non-believer in the hope that you can convert him or her. Some have even married non-believers, hoping to draw them to God. Your intentions may be noble, but such relationships rarely work out.
Too often, we fall in love and rush into relationships without investigating someone’s background. Even in secular matters, it does matter. I am a firm believer that two people dating and with intentions to get married must be on the same page.
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In Looking for a Rain God and Other Stories, one of the most fascinating tales is The Torn Veil, by Mabel Dove-Danquah. It is a story about Akosua, a village woman who gets married to Kwame, a city man.
Modern woman
At the point of marriage, the two are not necessarily at the same level, but the man grows in his career to the extent that he sits in ‘important’ meetings, while his wife remains more or less unchanged. This tempts him to get a modern woman who will match his status.
Well, the story ends tragically, when the rejected Akosua dies in her home village, but not without haunting her husband, who follows her to the grave.
I know people will argue that nothing matters except love, but I disagree. Think of two Form Four leavers who marry without knowing the other’s desires and expectations. Over a 20-year period, one spouse climbs the academic ladder and becomes a university don, while the spouse remains a Form Four leaver struggling with clerical work. My take is that there won’t be much conversation in this home.
Broken heart
It gets worse in spiritual matters. While one spouse is deeply in love with service to God, the other is deeply serving Satan, hence our scripture above, that light and darkness do not walk together. What happens when a group of worshippers visit this home and find the other spouse drunk and incoherent? Which path will the children follow? This is bound to be a struggling relationship.
The other problem is dating for the sake of dating. There is the danger of suffering from a broken heart. God understands the power of love and the damage a broken heart can do. This is why it is important for us to pray, know our hearts, and listen to God when we decide to date, and eventually get married.
There is also the issue of boundaries, where those dating need to know their limits. God frowns upon fornication, thus the need to understand these boundaries. God-ordained dating will not be a secret affair, but will be conducted openly. And yes, it should have received serious prayers for confirmation, even before it starts, that it will eventually lead to marriage.
