Romance in polygamy: Can a man love his wives equally?

BY ABENEA NDAGO

Nyandiwa, Kisumu County: In traditional Luo society, though there were several good reasons for a man to marry more than one wife, local folklore surrounding a shrine in Nyandiwa, Kisumu County has it that the practice of polygamy would be plagued with difficulties if the husband played favourites.

But to a visitor, there is nothing more memorable about the shrine than the unforgiving heat, the red earth under your feet, and the warm, suffocating smell. If not for the huge trunks that line the lake-shore, the Ibis birds lamenting amongst the branches, and the breath-taking view of the lake itself, the place would pass for an ordinary space.

Found in the small town of Nyandiwa, Gwasi Constituency on the shores of L. Victoria, the Nyamgondho shrine represents society’s modern view of polygamy. Marrying many women today resembles the same distant, decayed smell that hovers around the shrine.

Born in 1947 in Kamnua village, West Kajulu location, Kisumu East district, Martin Awinda agrees that the institution of polygamy is threatened by many factors, the chief one being – barring economic burdens – the inability of modern husbands to manage the intricate balancing act which goes with the institution.

“During the time of my father,” he says, “people married many women for mainly four reasons: to earn prestige and wealth, if your first wife was giving birth to girls only,and if she was a constant bother who always quarreled with you in the house. But some men were simply suffering from extreme lust.”

He observes that women and children were traditionally viewed as a form of wealth because people acquire land by erecting homes for their different wives. The more wives one had, the larger the land. Many children also insured the continuity of a husband’s line.

Mr Awinda says that, unlike these days, bias and favoritism was rare. “Husbands guarded the secrets of each wife very jealously. Again, a Luo husband had to have an ‘abila,’ a private hut where he spent much of his time.”

He explains that such discipline is hard to come by these days. “Abila is not there in today’s world. So a husband spends longer in the house of the wife he loves the most, than in the others. This must bring bad blood in the end.”

In Luoland, the effect of bias in polygamous marriages is best captured in the myth of Nyamgondho, whose actual setting is today found in Nyandiwa. Gilbert Osogo and Michael Odendi are the two oral artists who re-tell the story to visiting researchers, schools, universities, and even foreign tourists.

According to the two elderly men, Ombare’s homestead collapsed because he did not respect his first wife, Nyamgondho, but kept on abusing her after she had used her secret powers to bring him untold wealth. The ruins of Ombare’s homestead are today represented by great heaps of rocks found at the shrine. They had kept many cattle, sheep, goats, and chicken.

Moreover, Osogo and Odendi say that the shrine has a strange rock bearing the maps of Kenya, East Africa, and the whole world. Other mysteries include the footprints of the animals which followed Nyamgondho into the lake, as well as the fig-tree into which Ombare turned as he wept for his fleeing wife Nyamgondho.

“The maps are always visible,” Mr Osogo explains, “but sometime they disappear and then reappear. You may not see it if you are not very keen.”

He says that the maps on the rock show the mystery and power of Nyamgondho, the woman who later entered the lake and then re-emerged at Bukoba in Tanzania those centuries ago. Her intention was to punish Ombare’s ingratitude.

Even though part of the stones which show the animals’ footprints have been swallowed by the rising lake-water level, some can still be seen. What has completely disappeared is the fig-tree which was cut down by a few villagers, but who all died as a result of the Nyamgondho’s curse.

“You cannot cut such a mysterious tree and remain alive,” warns Mr. Odendi. “We advised them against cutting the ng’ou tree. But the young men could not listen to us. So they harvested what they sowed.”

Nyamgondho is the story of a poor, bachelor fisherman, Ombare, who ventures into the lake to inspect his net, but who discovers that he has trapped a woman (Nyamgondho – literally, ‘she of the fishing net’). He takes her in as his first wife. The husband soon becomes wealthy beyond imagination because of Nyamgondho’s mysterious powers. When he later marries two other wives, Ombare becomes a hopeless drunkard. He is so abusive and insolent towards his first wife that Nyamgondho decides to walk away and disappear into Lake Victoria with all her wealth –cattle, sheep, goats, and chicken. Suddenly aware of his mistake, Ombare follows her to the shores of the lake, all the while begging, but in vain, till the husband freezes into a fig-tree.

Mr. Francis Owili, the Assistant Chief of Nyandiwa Sub-Location says that the biggest obstacle to the development of the Nyamgondho site is its location in private land, which belongs to Mr. Odendi himself, and a Mr. John Ogiro Mbaria. 

The Chief adds that the land further falls within 30 metres of the lake shore which legally belongs to the Government. The Legio Maria Church also uses it as a shrine for fasting and consulting God. 

Chief Owili says that the site has suffered from official neglect. He urges the county government of Homa Bay to step in and save the site from its disgraceful appearance.

“We should improve Nyamgondho site to earn our county enough revenue, and to help future generations learn about their culture,” he says.