It’s official; women can’t drive

By TONY NGARE

We may have known it all along, but now we have proof: Women are, in fact, worse drivers than men. Hold your horses please; I can hear you scream, “Says who?” as your anger rises like a speedometer. These are not my words; they are research findings.

A study conducted by the University of Michigan has determined that women get into more accidents than men, even though they drive less. They probably account for a good 10 per cent of the accidents involving men at the wheel, while nagging from the passenger’s seat.

Overall, men do about 60 per cent of the driving, while women are in the 40 per cent range. Even so, of the thousands of car crashes examined worldwide, a higher than expected number involved female drivers.

The danger spots for women tend to be highway ramps, crossroads and T-junctions. Maybe they cannot make a concrete decision on which way to go.

One theory for the higher crash ratio — other than that women are putting on their make-up while driving — is that women are shorter in general. This might reduce their visibility, and lead to the higher accident toll.

Now, if somebody could just pass this along to the insurance companies.

We, men, have rightfully claimed that men are better drivers, and now, research has vindicated us. It is that simple. We are not being mean; it is just the way it is.

Men invented automobiles, and have been piloting them with greater skill since day one. A lot of it comes down to distractions, or at least it is a matter of the distractions women choose to allow in the car with them.

As soon as your girlfriend starts calling you a pig, and protesting your agreement with this stance, bring up some of these simple reasons why women cannot drive, and she is sure to get back to her texting in no time.

There is one more reason why men are better drivers than women. Men let their buddies ride in the car, and what happens? Every guy acts like he is the driver. We all have our eyes on the road at all times, regardless of the discussion. Conversations are held without eye contact as long as the car is moving.

For women, the focus is on everyone except the world rushing at them. Do us a favour: If you are going to do that on the road, take the bus.

One of the reasons women cannot drive is that they cannot see out of their cars. Maybe we missed the memo, but exactly when did it become a good idea to hang tens of items including beads, leis, small teddy bears and other assorted paraphernalia from the rear view mirror to block your vision? These women would be better off driving backward.

Oh wait, no they wouldn’t, because more often than not, there’s another 20 kilos of stuff nestled next to the back window, and secondly, women cannot reverse into a flash parking space even to save themselves.

Until women ditch the window dressing, they cannot drive the way they talk or shop.