Dads doing double duty

By JOAN BARSULAI
Whether by choice, or courtesy of death or divorce, more people are becoming single parents with each passing day. Venturing into parenthood with a partner is hard enough, so imagine how much more you are up against when you go it alone. You have to be up all night when fever season comes around, with no shifts to ease the burden. The diaper duty is all yours, all year around, not to mention the school fees, and the ever-increasing cost of meals.
When most people hear of single parents, the cultural stereotype that automatically comes to mind is a single mother struggling to provide for her children. But often, we forget that there are also single fathers out there, who have to contend with potties, tantrums and escalating bills, all on their own.
As the world marks World Single Parents Day on March 21, we honour single fathers who are going it alone.
Brian Thuo, 40, separated Profession: Farmer
I am the proud father to a 14-year-old son, and a two-year-old girl. I have been separated from my wife for two months. It has been extremely difficult, seeing my family disintegrate like that. We have gone through a lot together — losing our first-born when he was only six months old, and enduring failed businesses and steep debts.
I came home one evening from the farm to find that my wife had packed and moved back to her parents’ home with our daughter. I live in Mwea, with my son, who is in high school.
Being a single father is really challenging for me, especially when I come home to an empty house every day after farming. I ride the bicycle almost 50km to the farm and back daily. When my wife was home, I could bear the distance, knowing I was coming home to a home-cooked meal every day, and laughter from the children.
But now I am on my own, with my son in boarding school. I miss my daughter dearly, because we very close; she would follow me everywhere around the house when I came home. Because of the separation, I do not get to see her much.
I’ve had to get used to making my own meals, and running my own baths; the loneliness is especially daunting.
Nevertheless, I am hopeful for the best. I am hopeful that my wife and I will reconcile, and that my in-laws will stop interfering in our relationship. I am hopeful that I will stay relevant in my children’s lives and continue to support them fully, especially with their education.
I have set aside my feelings to give them the best.
David Onyango, 27, single
Profession: Communication Consultant
I have two children; a five-year-old daughter, and a one-and-a-half-year-old son. I had my daughter when I was quite young. Often times, I think her mother and I got into a relationship to have our physical needs met, and also because we happened to be neighbours, so it was convenient. I also reckon she was the only girl who could accept me at the time, because I was broke, and so nobody else would have me.
When she got pregnant, we moved in together to raise the child, but after a while, we realised things were not working out between us, so I moved out. One day, when the baby was eight months old, my former girlfriend left her at my workplace.
It was time for me to man up, and take full responsibility, as there was no one else to raise the child. I remember I didn’t know what babies were supposed to eat — I would feed my child from my plate, even when I had been generous with the pepper.  Surprisingly, she seemed to like it.
At the time, I was living in a house with two friends, and the baby. I saved and moved into a bigger, two-bedroomed house, so I could give her a better home.
My daughter and I were living with my best friend, and fortunately, his girlfriend also moved in with us. She had sisters who lived nearby. We all raised the child together.
My friend was a designer who worked at night, so he would watch over the baby during the day when I was away at work. It was a challenge, having two men raise a child. We did not know how to time the diaper changes, and we only changed them when we smelled the poop. One day, we did not smell anything for 24 hours, and naively thought there was no need for a change, until the contents of the diaper spilled over when I was putting the baby to bed.
Being a single dad has its great perks. For instance, when I went for a walk, or to the supermarket, with my daughter in her stroller, women found it appealing for some reason. It worked wonders for my dating life.
I must say I am a better man for having my children. They can try your patience sometimes, like when they seemingly cry for no reason, but they are a blessing.
I’m grateful that I have never been to the hospital at night because my girl was sick, despite the fact that she stopped breastfeeding early.
These days, I notice boyish habits she has picked up because of growing up in a male-dominated household — she puts her legs on the coffee table, and sits like us. And she eats everything using her hands, like we do.
I want only the absolute best for my little girl. I even take her to a school I can barely afford.
When I had my second child, I had had practice. I opted to relieve my ex-girlfriend of the burden of raising him alone, because she was at a place in her life where she wanted to focus on her education and career. So I raise the child, and she picks him up a few days a week. It works for all of us.
There are a lot of things I missed out on because of becoming a father early, but my children are my life. I have no regrets; I can catch up in my 40s.