Dirty secrets of exam markers: Crazy things teachers do at marking centres

By CRAZY MONDAY

KENYA: Despite the row that pitted the teachers’ unions Kuppet against Knut over last year’s KCPE and KCSE marking, this important national duty eventually took place as scheduled.

And away from the public glare, scores of markers exchanged notes on nearly everything: their working conditions, school heads, politics, families and so on. But since all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, the “After 4.30 pm” activities the markers engage in provide a welcome commercial break from the daily talk in many staffrooms.

  Since scores of these markers were classmates in college in their heady days, there is a lot of catching up to do. Even with strict pep talks by the centre principals warning teachers about local crime gangs and other ills, curious markers still venture out to discover the nearest towns and what the nightlife has to offer. But it is the old flames from one’s former college, school and county that easily rekindle passion.

‘In-house romance’ tops the list of ‘extracurricular’ activities that take centre stage at exams marking centres and which everybody pretends not to see. Jamal has seen some of his colleagues literary pitch tent at the houses of local women during the marking exercise in various parts of the country.

 “In fact, centre organisers in parts of Nyanza, western and eastern routinely warn markers before they begin marking. They always warn them against local women who they say are very feisty and crafty in trapping male visitors,” says Jamal.

“But these warnings appear to produce the opposite effect — curiosity to sample local ‘goods’,” adds Jamal.

“So some philandering chaps mark out their territories where they frequently visit for a near-homely life for the duration of the marking,” says Jamal.

He further reveals that besides venturing out of those marking centres, some married teachers with greedy fascinations for the forbidden fruit throw caution to the wind and form short-term relationships.

He says one only needs to visit these marking centres at night; some of the activities can put Sodom and Gomorrah to shame.

“A night visit to these places can really shock you. The playing grounds and dark alleys are always littered with silhouettes of teachers in pairs. And they are always either lazily strolling around, ‘exchanging saliva’ and, in some cases, unashamedly engaging in ‘gland-to-gland’ combats,” reveals Jamal, as he lightly taps on the table dismissively, adding that “these things are normal, we are used to them”.

He further wonders: “After the noble exercise of marking exams and you expect to be paid peanuts, is there any cheap and better leisurely activity a teacher can engage in to reward his tired bones and flesh for the hard work?”

He reveals that last year, an overzealous watchman caught two of his colleagues in the act in a dark corner.

And after refusing to part with ‘something small’, the watchman forwarded the matter to their bosses. The senior examiners convened a meeting over the matter the following morning and both were sent away!

“The shocking detail is that both sinners are in stable marriages back home, and yet could not be discreet enough,” says Jamal.

He also observes that Kiswahili and English teachers are talkative to a fault. They make friends easily. Consequently, they throw caution to the wind and display a fatalistic streak when they invade local pubs.

“Language teachers are not as circumspect as physics ones, most are wild, take risks and easily mingle with the local people,” says Jamal. It is this capacity that enabled Jamal’s friend to “discover” a local town in a spectacular way in Kiambu County where they have been marking.

 “This man who comes from the coast disregarded the wise counsel of the centre organiser and went out alone one evening. The charmed marker visited the seedier part of town, talked his way into an instant acquaintance with a twilight lady. Unfortunately, that is how his goose was cooked.

 He woke up the following morning only to find himself fish-naked in a cheap lodging! He had been cleaned of his clothes and personal effects, courtesy of his catch spiking his drink with mchele (drug). He had to endure the embarrassment of walking nude back to the marking centre, and a harambee was conducted to raise his fare back home,” says Jamal.

Kamau, who has been marking mathematics for last 10 years, says that at every marking centre, there are some constant people and groups that spice up the marking and help kill boredom and monotony.

 Before the advent of mobile phone money transfer technology, there were teachers selling phone recharge cards for all networks to make a quick buck. But nowadays, such entrepreneurs sell credit through the phone money transfer services.  “Before the Kenya National Examinations Council (KNEC) refined its method of reimbursing teachers fares according to zones, we would be required to produce bus and hotel receipts and this was big business,” says Kamau.

“Some cunning teachers would print and sell receipts bearing names of hotels from Kenya’s major towns and new bus names purporting to ply all routes,” says Kamau. And before the advent of smart phones with cameras, some teachers with shrewd business minds would moonlight as photographers.

 According to Kamau, at every marking centre, smokers quickly establish a clandestine corner for their activity and also a supply chain. Sports fanatics also seek each other out and make teams to burn their stress away after 4.30 pm. Religious faithful rent the air with early Christmas carols.

Adulterers and adulteresses also seek each other out by an unspoken language and begin their antics and those who take beer congregate on the first day and seek ways of fulfilling their pastime!

Despite the shocking ways most of these teachers come together and socialise, Kamau says, serious things, too, take place. For instance, after or during their bonding, they sell each other plots, cars, and property.

Albert, a history paper examiner, supports Kamau’s assertions and adds that nowadays most marking centres convert one room into a pub for the duration of the exercise to reduce what he calls “teachers’ staggering distance.” But there are a few centres that follow strict religious principles and never accommodate beer-taking markers, forcing them to paint local towns and markets red.

   Albert adds that many markers stray to drink out of their centres due to the variety of brands available outside.  “Often, sellers of contraband brews like chang’aa, busaa, Uganda’s waragi and coffee wine establish supply routes and drinking dens to marking centres, especially in western Kenya,” he says.

Notoriety

Shadrack, a married examiner who has just returned home from one centre in Nakuru County, says that the sisi kwa sisi (teacher-to-teacher) variety of notoriety took an ugly turn as they neared the end of the exercise.

The centre organiser had hired scores of young women as casuals who would clean the dishes, lay out the meals and provide catering services.

“This centre organiser had warned them to keep a distance between themselves and the male markers,” says Shadrack.

This law held for the better part of the duration. But as human beings are known to be social, a little teasing began from both directions, adds Shadrack.

“It began as a rumour that some adventurous teacher had been spotted in compromising situations along the hedges and fields with one of the cleaners,” says Shadrack.

This national school’s library had been turned into a pub for the duration of the marking. Two hired ‘maids’ would run it in the evenings.

“In my full view one evening, a home-sick marker engaged one of the maids in sweet talk and as the night wore on, they became a little cosy,” says Shadrack.

“I went to sleep and left them there. But in the morning the grapevine had it that the two ‘sinners’ actually consummated their little act there and then,” says Shadrack.

Diana, a science paper examiner, laughs off all these accounts.

“Sex scandals occur in marking centres, university common rooms, judiciary, and the civil service, name it. But then everybody is supposed to mind his or her own business so long as the matters are beneath the radar,” she says. 

She adds that after being together for some time, exam markers, being human beings — stiff social and official barriers weaken — are bound to form relationships. And that they should not be judged harshly.

“That is why a drunkard will be tolerated so long as he or she appears at the crucial daytime hours to mark. What they do afterwards should not be such a big issue,” she says.

Diana wonders if teachers’ antics at marking centres are in any way out of the ordinary compared to the national frequency of infidelity and other shenanigans Kenyans engage in.