Fiery politics rock Michelle’s mbuzi party

TimbuktuExpress

WITH MAFTAH YUSUF

"There was no way I was going to fit into a crowd of people who prefer fake names and pass of 10-year-old photos of themselves on social media."

In this festive season of ding donging and Yohohoing, Michelle and I have agreed to switch from the warring mode to a more conciliatory one, a ceasefire of sorts.

What I expect is that my wife will revert to her role and I for once will be a full bloodied African husband. This means there will be no chatting on Facebook. And since we are having guests, we shall don our plastic smiles and move around like a normal God fearing family.

The crowd was not so big but my house, being modest, was packed to the rafters. When I asked my better half why she invited more people than we could accommodate, she replied that all she did was invite a few close friends who shared the invitation message on their timelines and soon everyone knew there was going to be ‘Mbuzi’ over at Michelle Msupa’s (her user name on facebook) house.

“You don’t expect me to chase away my friends, do you? Anyway, this sort of thing happens only once in a year so honey, let loose like everybody else and enjoy,” she drawled.

Digital dream team

I had no problem with enjoying – the problem is that there was no way I was going to fit into a crowd of people who prefer fake names and pass of 10-year-old photos of themselves on social media.

After serving my Mbuzi, I take a breather close to a group that did not appear to be so feminist.

Here, talk was about politics. It was interesting to note that the seeds of discord sown at the national level had permeated deep within the fabric of close friends who make it their business to share 411(gossip) even at midnight.

“I tell you Raila is the best president we never had,” said one whose name was ‘Code name Sirkal’.

 “What nonsense is that you are gathering people to tell them,” shot back a friend who went by the name of Kamiti Life Member. “That Raira should retire with President Kibaki and allow the youth to take over. Long live Muthaura and all other digital chairmen and women of parastatals of the Jubilee government,” he said.

This was too much for another guest. “Those thugs cannot honor an MOU for a single day, how then do you expect crooks like those to honor a contract with Kenyans for the remaining four years,” good question I must admit. “No wonder they are hoodwinking Kenyans that ignoramuses who have been serving the government since before the republic was born are members of their digital dream team,” he added. “We shall not allow that to happen,” he concluded.

“Please bwana, wewe ni mutu mzima (you are a grown up),” said the Kamiti man as if he were patiently explaining a complex issue to his six-year-old. “Who do you blame if a grown up can sign an MOU in the darkness and come out celebrating in the daylight just to realise that crucial clauses are missing much later,” he says. “Politics is like chess and it seems that your man was snookered fair and square. Do not moan as we might just include you people after we secure our second term,” ‘Musakhulu’ was informed.

The conversation was degenerating into hostility fast and I could see that egos were bruised and the battle lines were drawn.

“We wacha zenu (Don’t lie to us) you think Kenyans are too stupid to realise that our Prezzy and Veepy whose parole officer, one Fatou Ben Souda, asked for more time to gather evidence on them might have to be allocated an office in State House to monitor their conduct from close quarters at the expense of the Kenyan tax payer, Asii! Hiyo hatuwezi kubali (we won’t agree) Wiper Wiper!” he declared.

Constitutional rights

“Ama exactly how will she gather more evidence unless she gets a little closer?”

“We Kenyans are survivors. We endured wabeberu and no matter how far this government takes prices of basic commodities, we shall still survive. Imagine enterprising bus owners are being denied their constitutional right to ferry passengers at night,” another one reminded the congregation.

“Night runners who liked chasing buses will have to contend with the high speed standard gauge train. Some of these policy makers hardly ever consider all the facts,” he said.

Things were getting thick, I had to get away from these crazy people and since I had no money, Michelle’s purse was where I was going to borrow some. Unfortunately, she caught me in the act and was not pleased at all.

“You know, OCS is one of my close friends on Facebook and if I don’t get back my pesa pap, I will tell him to send you to jail where older inmates rape new ones. Do you want me to tell him you are a thief Uone kazi?” she asked.

Of course I don’t want to ever get raped and since there seems to be no clear political direction either, I might as well leave for Timbuktu before I am mistaken for a suspect and taken to jail where bad things happen to men.