By SOPHIA BARAKA

It is not a bad thing to be sick in Obama-land. It could actually be to your advantage. With the current advancement in technology, sickness need not be a misfortune. There is opportunity to turn your adversity into fortunes.

All you need to do is participate in clinical research. This should not only be for your good, but for the good of all humanity.

There is diverse going on in the health sector. There are notices everywhere showing you what to do — on buses, bus stops, malls and at churches.

Are you having sleepless nights or seeing things that other people do not see? There is not only hope for a cure. You only need to get that stubborn head of yours to a centre for clinical studies. Get your brain checked without delay. You could be paid Sh1.7 million for one trial.

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There are trials for diabetes, memory problems like if you cannot find your wallet when you need to pay the bill, lose your tie or socks every morning, forget where your house is every time you come from work.

Memory test

I’m not sure if there is one for those who forget ever slapping others minutes later! Go for a free memory test.

Or it could be something as simple as having dreams that you are swimming when in reality you have only wet your bed. Are you suffering terrible anal pain when you go for a long call? Do you breathe heavily, sweat profusely or push too hard? Relax. Get paid for it.

The studies are at no cost and qualified participants receive all study related care and study medication free. Transportation is also provided.

As a Kenyan hustler in Obama-land, I once went for such a trial. I was broke, so I pretended I was haunted by a terrifying experience that would not go away.

I participated in a 12-week research and was paid Sh850,000. I bought my car, which I proudly park outside my garage.

Transport business

My friend Ndung’u was wiser. After failing to make it in Obama-land, he did the same research and took a flight back to Kenya. He now owns a multi-million transport business in Nakuru.

My grandfather Musenangu had the memory of an elephant. He could recall things he did in his youth. He knew every herb by name.

He was wise and advised the whole community. Back home, we did not take our heads for research. We did not make money out of misfortunes.