Does your spouse know what you earn?

By Veronica Cherop

Colleague was leaving our company for further studies abroad and as he cleared his desk, his payslips fell out. Where was he going to keep them, now that the office locker was not available to hide his financial records?

By keeping his payslips in the office, he was hiding his financial status from his family, especially his wife. If he had told her how much he earned, he probably did not want her to know about the increments he earned each year and the bonuses, if any.

Another colleague secretly took a loan and bought a piece of land without her husband’s knowledge.

Unfortunately, that land was part of a road reserve. One year later, the Government expanded the road, which swallowed her plot. She spent sleepless nights wallowing in the pain of loss and daring not to confide in her husband, whom she had kept in the dark all along.

I recently brought up these two cases in a discussion I had with young couples. Amazingly, many of them felt that what you earn is your secret as long as you fulfil your obligations at home.

The obligations include the shared responsibilities in the home — that informal agreement between couples that if one pays rent, the other meets other expenses such as electricity bills and food.

If you become one in marriage, why should the money you earn or receive be a top secret? Without financial fidelity, you pull apart, like two drivers driving in opposite directions.

There are couples who compete with each other in investing. Once the man buys a car, for example, the wife also buys hers, and the two use repaying the loans as an excuse not to contribute to the family kitty.

With this kind of choices, the quality of family life will be affected. The quality of life lived in that home will not be anything to write home about. The children — the main punching bags when parents are not on the same wavelength — will hardly enjoy nice meals or have good school bags or shoes, or have their uniform replaced as soon as required.

When you are open with each other about your finances, trust is enhanced in the home and you can make plans for a future together. Once your spouse knows how much you earn and you openly discuss what else you earn from the side, she or he will feel loved and be ready to also open up about their earnings.

After you have both opened up, you can discuss and agree on how to invest for the future, for your children and your children’s children.

It is prudent that finances are discussed when the two of you are dating. At this point, you lay out your plans, your expectations and what you need to achieve within a certain period.

With your plans clearly set out, you can agree on how much each will be putting into the family savings every month. If an investment idea comes up that is not in your plan, discuss it and see whether it is the best for your family or if it will contribute to meeting your eventual goal.

Nothing is cast in stone, so your plans can be adjusted with time. For example, if your plan was to buy a farm in the rural area but come across a good deal for land in the urban centre, you can agree to buy the town land and sell it when it appreciates to fund your big dream.

But if you do this without consulting and agreeing with your partner, then your marriage will start having holes — holes of suspicion, mistrust, bitterness and poor quality life.