By Jennifer Karina
Falling in love is a strong instinctive attraction to a person of the opposite sex. It is even possible to fall in love with somebody who is already ‘taken’.
Listen to Jane’s predicament: “I was looking forward to meeting Charles who had become centre stage of my best friend’s life. When I met him, our eyes locked, and that was it! Love at first sight. My whole body went numb; I knew I was crazy about the man and I wanted him for myself against my better judgment. We instantly hit it off and found ways of secretly spending time together. Silently, I worry about being found out, but I’m consumed by my feelings for him and I simply cannot let go. I am suffering from guilt and fear has begun to grip me. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so in love and afraid of what will happen!”
Love or lust?
It is not uncommon for girls to be attracted to their friend’s boyfriends. The question is, is it love or lust? Whatever it is, if you are caught in this, it is wise to have some self talk. Would you choose to hit it off with a guy because he is your perfect fit, or is it because he is unavailable and belongs to someone else?
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Or is it because he massages your ego and makes you feel good about eating the forbidden fruit?
Or could it be that perhaps you might simply be envious and wanting to crush your friend’s exciting world or simply to prove to yourself that you are equally good and loveable? Think about it, what is it that makes you engage in a relationship with your best friend’s guy? It is important to be honest with yourself. What is your motive?
Second, it is worth noting that choosing such a relationship may mean that you might be experiencing some low self-steem and hitting on your friend’s guy could be your way of self-validation. Being validated by a guy that is worthy of your best friend’s attention may simply give you the self-esteem that seems fleeting and might just hand you the power that you have craved for.
Unresolved passion
On the other hand, by choosing to get involved in this relationship it could also mean that there may be significant childhood experiences of abuse that have remained unresolved over the years, resulting to poor self-image, fear of intimacy and rejection.
Remember, life is about choices and choices have consequences. Choosing to have a relationship with your friend’s boyfriend may be cool but it has consequences. Whether you are busted or not, you will suffer emotional distress, guilt, shame and fear. In addition, if you are caught, you will not only lose a good friend but the respect of several significant others in your life. You will be left with an ugly scar in your life.
Remember, what comes around goes around. The seed that you plant, you too shall reap it.
