Your circle of friends builds or destroys you

By Bishop Allan Kiuna

Over the course of time, I have come to learn a very invaluable lesson. You cannot lead people if you cannot lead yourself.

The people that you lead, be it your family, organisation or community inevitably emulate you and if you are effective, they even want to be like you.

It is called the trickle-down effect. I have discovered that true influence is not just a function of affluence, it is a product of growing yourself to the point that you can be multiplied several hundred, thousand times in the lives of others.

It all begins with a personal commitment to develop yourself, not just into a mentor but into a role model. That is what Africa needs.

Everyone at the end of the day is a leader in his or her own right. So this lesson is for all of us. The journey to personal development begins with a genuine personal evaluation and a brutal self-introspection.

A clear substantiation between what is permissible, beneficial and unacceptable must govern the principles of your life. This code of conduct is what eventually will create a personal governance structure that determines the outcome of a person’s life.

A good reputation is not by accident. A good name is not a coincidence. It is a deliberate effort, a committed follow-up and sustenance of an upright personal character.

Over the next few episodes of Real Talk, I will be sharing with you candid pearls of wisdom to make your personal life a smart life.

First and foremost, your life revolves around the people you hang around with. Your alliances and allegiances ultimately become the prophecy of your life.

It is not a joke that ‘show me your friends and I will show you who you will become’. Set standards for your friendships and relationships. Hang around people that love you always but rebuke you sometimes. An open rebuke is better than hidden love.

There exists somewhere near you a genuine, truthful and loyal friend.

Find and surround yourself with such kind and you will be safe. And don’t live in denial; even in the strongest of personalities, there exists an innate and a non-ignorable need for love and tenderness.

Determine your friends by the ‘definitiveness’ of their character, the ‘dependability’ of their loyalty and the ‘believability’ of their intentions.

Don’t lower your standards to accommodate people that have refused to raise theirs. Live smart!

Emaciated personal leadership is an epidemic in our world today! Don’t be caught up in that rabble. If you truly want to grow as a person, see your life as too great to waste it with small-minded people.

Know whom you need and for how long you need them. There is a big difference between Mr Right and Mr Right-Now. Differentiating the two is not pride. It is wisdom.

As a person that is going places, avoid being ‘clingy and needy’. Being too available directly diminishes your value and consequently your demand. Never allow someone to be your priority to which you are only an option.

People that don’t value your time will most likely add no value to it, so don’t be everyone’s friends.

Being a friend of everybody and trying to help everyone will bring you heartaches and emotional breakdowns.

Do whatever you can, whenever you can as long as you can. But never forget, God never asked you to be the managing director of the universe. Sometimes say no! No is also an answer!

Don’t grapple in the dark trying to do what everybody is doing and being what everyone is.

Like they say: Be yourself, everybody else is taken! Be proud to be your own person with principles, goals, aspirations and standards.

bishop@jcckenya.net