Jobless college studs’ losing out to married men

BY PETER NDORIA

When Edgar shared a table at his local with a woman who was older, he thought it was just another evening of banter over drinks. 

However, as the night progressed, she opened up and revealed that she had been eyeing him for long. He dismissed it at first, thinking it was just the booze talking.

But to prove she wasn’t kidding, she went as far as giving him details about his family.

“She already knew my wife by name as well as my three children,” recalls Edgar.

Initially, he found this unsettling but as the night progressed and the drinks flowed — all courtesy of her generosity — she somehow earned his trust. She was the one calling the shots and any attempts by Edgar to buy drinks were curtly spurned.

Detour

“Hiyo nunulia Angeline maziwa (use that money to buy Angeline some milk),” she would say, referring to Edgar’s two-year-old daughter who she already knew by name.

By the time Edgar went to his home later that night, he had made a quick one-hour detour to her finely furnished apartment for what was to be the first of their now-regular physical encounters.

She lives in the same estate, but makes it clear that all she wants is a physical relationship with Edgar. And for that, she ensures his family is happy by giving him money to ‘buy milk for Angeline’ regularly as well as ensuring he always has something in the pocket for his drinks at the local.

When she finally opened up, he learnt that she is a single mother of three, all in universities abroad, and that she works for an international institution. The father to her three children still supports them despite her seven-figure salary, so she has more than enough to spoil those she wants to keep close.

Empowered

A mechanical engineer  contracted by several clients, Edgar swears that he cannot let go of her, citing the fact that aside from the lifestyle she affords him, theirs is a hassle-free relationship, and she doesn’t expect much beyond the fun. In what some may consider as a conflict of interests, she even always insists on knowing about the welfare of his family.

“I think by ensuring that my family is okay, she somehow is assured that our thing cannot go beyond the usual hanky-panky,” opines Edgar.

Edgar is perhaps the new face of the kept man, in a world where as women get more empowered and make their own cash, they literally pick what they want.

Whereas the kept man was a young muscular man in a tertiary institution with no money and completely subservient to the woman, more and more women are opting for the more financially stable family men. And they are willing to spend on them.

Helen is one such woman. A recently divorced corporate manager with a leading multi-national, she has been seeing a younger and married man for a while. Conveniently for the couple, the man’s job also involves a lot of travelling and the two are always on the road, together.

“Whenever she goes for one of the many conferences or seminars that come with her job, she always keeps the man in the loop and they hook up later. She even flies him down to the Coast or wherever she is,” says Helen’s close friend and work associate, who is familiar with her escapades.

To avoid detection, Helen usually ensures her company contracts her lover’s services whenever they are organising their company getaways so that his wife assumes he is away on assignment. Once out of town, their relationship is not secret, and it is not uncommon to see them cuddling openly over dinner or drinks.

Clingy

In fact, when the man recently became a father, she bought him an expensive gift to take home to his wife and the newborn.

According to Esther who has several friends in such relationships, the rationale seems quite obvious.

“The fact that this man is married, usually with a young family, makes them quite attractive from the onset because it shows stability. Since they have bigger interests in their families, you know they will not leave them for you. And because they are already making their own money, there is no risk of them becoming clingy like the younger ones in college.  Married men will also not call you asking for money at 3am,” she notes of this symbiotic, albeit awkward, relationship,” she says.

She adds that the younger unmarried men are more likely to be in multiple relationships with women their age, especially in their colleges.

“With the money you give them, they will go and woo the girls in their class, and this might expose you to unknown dangers. The sweetest thing about a married, educated and working lover, however, is that you can have a decent conversation, discuss issues and share your problems, unlike the young, jobless, subservient type who are all romp and no brain,” she says.

Ultimately, it is all about being with someone you can count on, but with conditions that are favourable. The boundaries are usually demarcated; if she has young children, the man will never meet them. They will usually hook up in discreet places or on well-choreographed business trips.

However, for some of those whose children are all grown-up and out of the house, the man is usually a welcome guest to fill the void in the home.

Salon

Conversely for the man, there is the obvious thrill that comes with such physical encounters. With a woman that is stable, there is no rent to be paid, salon visits to be covered or the constant nagging that comes with the sulky and demanding younger girls.

However, Edgar, who confesses to having been in two other such relationships before, adds that the biggest advantage is being able to afford a lifestyle he would otherwise not be able to.

“She gives me money to shop for the house or buys stuff for my children. She is very fond of my daughter, and keeps saying it reminds her of her firstborn whom she got when she was still in college, many years ago. But what touched me most is that when I lost my mum, she sent me a cool Sh50,000 and even came for the funeral,” he adds alluding to how deep and cosy their relationship has since evolved.

His wife, back at home, believes that Edgar always has small ‘deals’ that bring in the extra cash, whenever he finds himself needing to explain a sudden splurge.

Lawrence, a newly married young Law graduate, who has been in such a relationship with an older woman who was in the parallel programme from when they were campus, concurs.

Lazy

“In my case, we hook up on Fridays and when am leaving her house on Saturday morning, she always gives me Sh15,000 or Sh20,000,” says Lawrence.

Whereas his buddies can only afford to go out on selected weekends, he does not worry about money to spruce up his classy suits and can still afford random out-of-town trips.

More importantly, notes the soon-to-be advocate, she has introduced him to some serious contacts that he hopes will become his clients when he finally sets up his own firm.

So, are you a young good looking lazy bum with muscles who intends to live off rich lonely women? Then get an education, a job and wife. You have competition and it is educated, responsible and married.