Is there rape in marriage?

By JENNIFER KARINA

Marital rape is any unwanted sexual act by a partner without consent. It is obtained by force and threats or intimidation. These sexual acts include forced sexual behaviour with other individuals, and other sexual activities that are considered by the victim as degrading, humiliating, painful and unwanted. Rape is rape regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim.  It is a personal and intimate traumatic experience.

Experiences differ from one individual to another but one thing remains constant, rape victims suffer serious psychological consequences.

Generally, rape is usually a one-off incident. However, in marital rape, the circumstances are different. It is not only a physical violation; it is also a betrayal of trust.

 The same person that should love you and treat you with respect and honour, is the one that inflicts those emotional wounds. Instead of sharing intimacy, this action opens the door to resentment, rejection and destruction destroying the fundamental basis of the marriage relationship.

Rape in marriage is criminalised in various countries and clearly recognised within law although cases are rarely reported. 

Every person has the right to choose whether to have sex or not regardless of the circumstances. Sex without consent is rape, whether it takes place within a marriage or another relationship. The reasons not withstanding, no man has the right to force his wife to have sex without her consent.

Types of rape

There are three forms of marital rape; sadistic, violent and force rape.

Sadistic rape: It involves violence and the victim is forced to comply with, or undergo deeds designed to further humiliate her. The partner transforms anger and power so that the aggression becomes sexual. He derives pleasure from tormenting and distressing his victim.

Violent rape: It occurs when the abuser uses physical violence to cause injury to the victim, apart from any injuries due to the rape itself.  Many abusers will also force their wives to submit to sexual acts after a physical assault to further intimidate and humiliate her. The abuser enjoys the power over his victim.

Force rape: It is usually when the abuser applies force to control or pin down his wife to have sex without her consent. The victim may also be so confused and numbed by constant emotional abuse, that she simply does not know how to act or react when sex is forced on her.

Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in acknowledging that they are in an abusive relationship, and continually give excuses for the action on behalf of their partner — living in denial. Many women are unable to address this issue because it is difficult to convince anyone that a husband can actually rape the wife. It also brings with it a great level of shame and guilt.  

A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse intercourse with her husband and live in denial avoiding facing the truth and the reality of the situation; it’s her best way of coping.

Would you say that you continue to be a victim of marital rape?

There is nothing to be ashamed of. Acknowledge your situation and break the silence. Both you and your partner will need therapy in order to begin your journey of healing and rebuilding your foundations.