Pauline Adatia stood meekly next to a table; her soft drink of Fanta already halfway gone. She was trying to listen to the DJ mixing the songs, but her whole heart wanted to go back to her phone. A stranger had joined her table earlier, maybe hoping for a fun conversation, but Pauline has never been very good at those. That girl probably sensed the awkwardness too quickly and left.
“Well, I had no idea that none of my friends were going to be here, it would have been easier,” Pauline, 26, shares. “It got awkward really quickly for such a wonderful event. Someone I really liked actually showed up too, a crush, and it made things even harder, so an hour later, I left.”
She laughs. But it is the kind of laugh that covers something. For Pauline, a night out isn’t fun. It’s a test she’s afraid of failing. The music, the lights, the chatter — all of it feels like a stage where she doesn’t know her lines.
In a very different room, at a workshop in Mombasa, facilitator Amina Hassan, 19, was leading a session on public speaking. Amina’s voice was steady. She made eye contact. She asked questions and waited for answers. When someone stumbled over words, she nodded and said, “Take your time.”
A year ago, Amina was Pauline. “I used to sit in the back, hoping the teacher wouldn’t call on me,” Amina says.
With practice, encouragement, and a space where it was safe to fail, things changed. Amina’s story shows that awkwardness isn’t permanent. It can be unlearned, reshaped, and replaced with confidence.
Social awkwardness is the moment your mind goes blank mid-sentence. The pause that lasts one second too long. The urge to check your phone instead of meeting someone’s eyes. It’s leaving an event early because being there feels harder than explaining why you left.
Psychologist Tracy Nyaguthii explains:
“It is a phenomenon where an individual struggles with interacting with people. They feel some anxiety in settings where they would need to mingle with people. It could be they do not know how to interact with people, have light banter, or they are extremely shy.”
And crucially, “an individual in this situation sometimes is not an introvert.” You can love people and still feel lost around them. You can want connection and still not know how to reach for it.
Make friends
Nyaguthii describes what that looks like inside a friend group: “If he or she is in a group of friends, they might find themselves not fitting in, tagging along in the friend group. This makes them feel not wanted in the group and then the self-judgement again as they feel they have no one to relate to.”
For many, the struggle is with the basics. They do not know how to make friends, how to compliment or receive a compliment, or how to keep a conversation flowing. As a result, they prefer isolating themselves, glued to social media handles or online games. These digital spaces become coping mechanisms, but they also deepen the isolation.
That isolation comes at a cost. It affects self-esteem and confidence. Frustration builds when individuals compare themselves to others, causing anxiety and sometimes self-loathing. Nyaguthii notes that social awkwardness can stem from anxiety, mental health conditions, or simply a lack of social skills. Bullying and toxic relationships — whether from parents, friends, or relatives — can also trigger it.
Esha Mohammed, founder of HER Narrative, a Mombasa-based organization that works with young people to cultivate sociability into powerful community voices, sees the same patterns.
“For me, social awkwardness is more than simply being shy or introverted. It is that nagging uncertainty that creeps into social situations: the fear of saying the wrong thing, being misunderstood, or feeling like you do not quite belong,” she says.
“It often shows up as overthinking conversations, avoiding eye contact, struggling with small talk, or feeling anxious before speaking in front of a group. This is not just something I observe in my work. It is something I understand personally.”
Esha admits that even today, she still gets nervous before addressing an audience or striking up a conversation with someone new. The difference is that she has learned not to let those feelings define or limit her.
Anxiety disorder
Data shows anxiety and social struggles are common among young people, and they are showing up earlier. According to the 2024 Kenya National Adolescent Mental Health Survey, 3.9 per cent of adolescents aged 10–17 had social phobia.
Anxiety disorders overall were the most common mental health problem at 5.6 per cent, and anxiety was the single most prevalent specific problem at 26.7per cent. A 2021 Daystar University study of 163 children and adolescents aged 8–16 in Nairobi found 79.1 per cent screened positive for anxiety disorders. Among older youth, the pattern continues: 37.99 per cent of Kenyan high school students scored above the clinical cutoff for anxiety symptoms.
These are clinical measures. But social awkwardness lives in the space between diagnosis and daily life: in parties, classrooms, job interviews, and first conversations.
Both Nyaguthii and Esha point to technology as an accelerant. Screens make it harder.
“The increased use of the Internet, social media, online games make it easy for young people to get lost in the online world. This creates a challenge to reconnect with the physical world.”
Esha frames it as a skills problem. Behind a screen, there is time to think, edit, and even delete a message after you’ve already sent it. Real-life conversations offer no such luxury.
Social media has also raised the stakes.
“We are raising a generation under constant observation,” Esha adds. “Every opinion can attract criticism, every mistake can feel permanent, and every achievement is measured against someone else’s carefully curated highlight reel. Instead of asking, ‘What do I want to say?’ many young people now find themselves asking, ‘What if I say the wrong thing?’”
Here is the relief: you can relearn how to connect. Both experts emphasize that these are skills you can learn and the brain can adapt. It might not always be easy. It requires embracing challenges and stepping out of your comfort zone.
Nyaguthii’s practical advice is simple: step out more, join a club that allows you to do activities with people — running, pottery, or any group activity. Where loneliness or trauma is severe, counseling or group therapy can help unpack these challenges. Keeping a journal or recording yourself talking can also help track progress and identify triggers.
At HER Narrative, Esha creates practice spaces on purpose.
“Every confident young leader I know has one thing in common: someone believed in them before they fully believed in themselves and gave them permission to try before they felt ready,” Esha explains.
That philosophy shapes HER Narrative’s work with partners like Swahilipot Hub Foundation’s Case Management programme.
“Before they secure employment, start a business, or lead a community initiative, something even more important happens. They begin to believe in themselves,” she says.
For many young Kenyans, that might be the most important lesson. Social awkwardness isn’t a life sentence. It’s a signal — that skills need practice, that environments matter, and that connection is still possible, one conversation at a time.
