Times are changing and so is society. Some things that were in the past considered sacrilege have become quite acceptable in modern times.
In the past when a son-in-law needed to talk to his mother-in-law, he needed a go-between to relay the messages back and forth even if the two were in the same room.
They two would do everything possible to avoid eye contact even as his wife - her daughter - shuttled between them to deliver trivial messages.
The son-in-law was supposed to be fully decked, complete with a necktie at all times whenever he was in the proximity of the mother of his wife. This generation can only imagine how stifling that experience was. Anyone who has worn a suit in warm weather will tell you it can really be uncomfortable under that layer of thick fabric.
Thankfully some of these stifling rules have since been done away with. The present-day mother-in-law freely interacts with her sons-in-law. The two parties can sit at the same table and chit-chat over a meal casually and freely. The gap between the two has since been bridged so much so that it is normal for the more educated mothers-in-law to hold their daughters' husbands in warm embraces. "My son" is the name they use to refer to them.
They move freely in their daughters' houses, with the more brazen ones even waking their sons-in-law for breakfast. While in some cultures the mother-in-law could never occupy a seat where her daughter's husband had placed his behind, our mothers proudly occupy car seats that have been used for unimaginable thrilling adventures.
We have since realised that the word 'laana' was a term coined by some malicious wahenga to limit our ecstatic pleasures.
Our parents can today sleep under our roofs while visiting the city where we live. In the olden days one had to make alternate arrangements for a place for the parents to spend the night even if there were six spare bedrooms lying idle. Then we decided that we built these city homes for our parents to enjoy their comfort whenever they visited, so, we discarded the unnecessary restrictions. These days we can sit and tell stories with our parents into the wee hours of the morning before retiring comfortably without having to brave the dark to inconvenience sleeping neighbours. They can even use our bathrooms and the toiletries therein.
Nothing happens, no one all of a sudden starts to lose weight drastically. Everyone is fine, healthy and happy. The missus of the house even has more plausible excuse when asked for conjugal activities. "Are you mad, mama is just next door!"
Strangely, while we are making all these positive advancements on social fronts, we still have to deal with some retarded parents who believe that a son-in-law is a machine who must deliver goodies like Father Christmas.
By marrying their daughter, he takes an unsaid oath that he can never lack adequate resources not only to keep their daughter happy but also extend at will. This cadre of parents is the reason some families cannot stand any financial pressures, which are pretty common in the modern age.
Their contribution to the increasing number of broken families must also be pointed out and that negative mentality addressed as we seek to rediscover a functional society.
The primary reason for marriage is companionship and mutual support.
The support must be two-pronged to involve a give-and-take attitude from the families that are brought together by the union. While families continue to thrive when only a man works to earn bread for the family, the same cannot be guaranteed when it is only the woman that works because the back-end advice from her parents would quickly push them out to be independent from the man viewed as improvident. The argument is that whoever provides is the man and such parents cannot find value in their daughter staying in a relationship where she is the man - she is encouraged to move out and find space to be seen and taken by a proper man who can take care of her and also extend favour to her family.
Progressive families, however, have learnt that men can also experience low seasons and that support can come from the woman's end to strengthen the union and ground it even in such lean moments. I have seen brothers today who buy meals and pay rent for their sisters that are married while their husbands go through some lean times. The benefits of such support cannot be gainsaid when the man gets back to his feet.
The families end up with greater mutual respect and adopt a seamless operation where all parties function without boundaries in supporting one another without skewed demands meant to burden only one side. In reality that is the essence of family.
