Having a baby, particularly the first time round, is a life changing experience. Nothing nor anybody can prepare you for these changes. You just have to go through them to fully grasp their immensity.
Apart from changing your life, having a baby can have an impact on your relationship. Depending on how you handle it, it can have a positive or negative effect on you and your partner.
These five women revealed the effect having a baby had on their relationships, and how they navigated these unchartered waters and came out on top.
1. I’m always too tired
Amy, 31, confessed that she is always too tired to deal with the demands of her relationship. She said that after a long day in the office, she gets home “too tired to cook a decent dinner, have a real conversation, clean the house - and sex? I’m exhausted just thinking about it.”
This sounds so familiar. Most of us are like Amy, getting home with one thought on our minds, getting some rest.
But Amy says that despite this difficulty, she has fallen more in love with her husband. “He’s such an incredible dad and somehow, through the chaos he continues to be an incredible husband.”
2. I was scared to have sex
The first time you have sex after childbirth can seem daunting. Things have changed, your body has changed and you’re never too sure how different the whole experience will be. Shannon, 35, wrote that she felt less nervous after a glass of wine and it became easier to connect with her partner. “It’s kind of like ripping off a band-aid; the anticipation is terrible, but when you do it, you learn that it’s really not so bad.”
However, she warns women not to give in to pressure and rush into it. “You’ll know when you’re ready.”
3. We don’t have time for us
Before the baby comes doing things together, going on dates and weekend trips are a no-brainer. You can be spontaneous and it’s easy to make time for each other.
However, as Lauren, 32, discovered, this changes when the baby comes. “Before we had kids we lived life as a team. When you have a kid you learn to divide and conquer to make sure everything gets done.”
Shannon and her husband had to find a way to navigate this new phase of their life. Although they can no longer be spontaneous or do things together now when their kids are still young, they know that it’s just a matter of time when they will get to have alone time. “We know that it’s just a short season of life, we’re trying to embrace everything that comes with this phase.”
4. I thought he wouldn’t find me attractive anymore
Pregnancy and childbirth will change your body and unless you’re a celebrity and can have reconstructive procedures and a nutritionist and personal trainer to help you bounce back, most of us have to contend with these body changes.
One woman confessed that this really took a toll on her. “When I was pregnant, I was really worried my husband wouldn’t find me attractive after having the baby.”
It turns out she had been worrying for nothing. “He is so much more loving towards me now than before in more ways than just sex,” she said.
5. I started resenting my partner
When you have a baby, your life is no longer your own. This is especially true for mothers since, for the first few months, they can no longer do as they please because their baby depends on them so much. They have to think about feeding, changing diapers, nap time, etc. Every decision you make, everything you do will affect your child in one way or the other. As such, you stop thinking about what you want and instead focus on what is best for your little one.
Nicole, 31, struggled with the loss of her individuality. It got so bad that she started resenting her husband. “I resented Tim for being able to do all sorts of things that I could not do - like travel and go out with friends without stressing about when our daughter would physically need him.”
Instead of keeping these feelings to herself, Nicole spoke to her husband and they were able to navigate these changes together. Nevertheless, she adds, “Part of it was just me accepting reality - growing up and not throwing a tantrum because being an adult is hard.”
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