'I'm never taking my children to boarding school'

"I am never taking my children to a boarding school."

This was the opening statement to a conversation on boarding schools and what men who have been through them think.

When invited for this interview, the three men requested anonymity and asked that their schools not be mentioned subsequently.

The three men went to schools in Nairobi and Kiambu counties.

Benson Matu*

He was the first to open up about the intrigues that surround boarding schools and why he would not take his children there.

According to Matu, he struggled the most with the violence.

"It's not even about you getting beaten, it's what you feel when you see someone being beaten up," he says, almost whispering.

Mid sentence, he would pause, perhaps reflecting, reliving the experience of seeing your friend being beaten up because of something as flimsy as not being able to pronounce a word correctly.

His friend had first language inhibition that made it difficult for him to differentiate between sounds 'l' and 'r' or 'sh' and 'ch'.

Matu went on, adding that he did not understand why the teachers allowed the prefects, whom they referred to as cops, to attack their classmates like they did.

Bullying is not allowed in most schools, but he said it still goes on albeit secretly.

"Perhaps not in the open as it did before, but it goes on secretly."

He recalled a fight that broke out sometime back, 12 years ago to be precise, where his friends were beaten up so bad some couldn't see clearly.

Some of the victims were being accused of practising homosexuality.

Matu says though there were no instances where two boys were caught with their pants down, all accusations on practising homosexuality in school were based on rumours and suspicions.

"They'd look at how you walk, or where you place your hand when you talk, or how you held your spoon while you ate, to determine if you were too feminine."

Matu recalled one time when some of the suspected gay boys were beaten up so bad, they had to seek treatment outside school.

Asked about the school clinic, he says there is little the school nurse can do as she mostly administered aspirins and piritons.

The boys with swollen faces had to wait in school for their wounds to heal before they were released to go seek treatment from home.

Samson Wandera*

According to Wandera, the best word that describes boarding schools is 'prison'.

He says this is because what he felt most of the time is isolation and being unwanted.

During the holidays, the students go home and live through difficult moments, which are made even harder when they go back to school.

I ask if he could give an example, and he opens up about his father passing on in December of 2006. He was in Form 1.

"We were close. When it was time to go back to school, I wasn't ready to face the world. I felt alone. You are surrounded by all these people, but you feel alone."

He adds that few schools put any emphasis or any attention at all on building the students as a package.

They are human first before they are students.

"Many schools focus on the grade, but teach little about dealing with depression, or even building the child's confidence."

Wandera criticised schools that require students to be up at 4am and retire at around 11pm or midnight.

He said such things make students equate schools to institutions of anything but learning.

Wandera, who went to one of the best performing schools associated with the well-off today, says it wasn't as fancy when he went there.

"There were potholes in the classrooms and library. How do you have a pothole in a library?"

Many parents assume most boarding schools will have better facilities as they are better funded, but Wandera differs.

"My love for reading was developed long before I joined this school, otherwise I hated being in the library. I read to escape the realities of life, and I couldn't even do that in this school, on top of having to deal with the loss of my father. It was a mess."

Vincent Gatwiri*

Gatwiri's case seems closely related to that of Wandera.

He says boarding schools do not build up students, they tear them apart.

When Gatwiri, a father of two, left for boarding school, he had a sister who was still in lower primary school.

He only saw her three times a year during the holidays.

"At some point, she started referring to me as the guest who visits during the holidays. At the time, I laughed about it, but it affected our relationship. It took a while before she accepted and viewed me as her brother, not the guest."

But that was not the worst experience Gatwiri had in school.

Prostitutes and alcohol, were commonplace.

He explained that during visit days, which have since been abolished, the girls would come into the dorms.

Sometimes the boys would sneak out at night and come in with the prostitutes.

Gatwiri's concern on leaking alcohol into the school did not seem to shock Wandera and Matu, who said it was the order of the day.

Other shocking details on the goings on in boy schools included pornography and sneaking walkie talkies into the school to monitor security guards' movements.

Some of their narrations were too gory to be published.

"Our parents believe if you come back from school with a good grade then you are alright. Yes, we will score the high marks, but what we go through while at it is beyond any sacrifice."

While the Education ministry heads crack the whip on cheating and streamline the sector, it is clear that there is more that needs to be addressed.

Gatwiri, Wandera and Matu say there is so much more that goes on other than what they were able to open up about.

Violence, loneliness, sexuality are just but a tip of the iceberg bound to sink many students whose parents insist on taking them to boarding schools, something the three promise they will not do to their children.