If caution is not exercised, boredorm may set into a marriage, however, engaging in fun activities will re-ingnite the flame, writes ANTHONY KAGIRI.
You may think only children say, ‘I am bored, I’ve got nothing to do’, but couples say it too — just not often as openly or honestly, according to relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall.
After falling in love and or getting married, there is a tendency for couples to slide into the routine of being together and forgetting to spice up the relationship. Some couples imagine meeting each other’s basic needs of provision, communication, sex and security are enough to keep a marriage happy. Christians will add the spiritual connection to this and hope that theirs will be a happy marriage. All what these things do is to keep it ‘going’, but not happy.
Christian writer and counselor Nancy Van Pelt makes it clear that, “Unless a family that prays together, also plays together, the members may still go astray.”
Improved bond
It is interesting how people do all the fun activities when they are trying to win someone, but put these aside when they get hitched. However, it is important to always remember that love easily gets boring when we sideline the fun side of it. A couple should carry over the fun activities they have while dating into courtship and marriage. This way, they can ‘live happily thereafter’.
Hall advises that by making a conscious effort to incorporate fun in your relationship, you can improve the quality of your interactions.
“Not only does fun improve the bond between you, but also gives your relationship more buzz and makes you want to spend time with each other,” advises Hall.
Laughter and playfulness make people feel good and build emotional connections. Incorporating fun into the relationship beats the routine that easily breeds boredom.
“An integral part of the happy marriage is the ability to enjoy one another, to have fun with one another, to laugh and find delight in one another’s presence,” advises Nancy.
Setting the right attitude is the starting point in this journey of spicing up your relationship. One should see the fun as an enjoyable venture that helps build their relationship and not a task of pleasing your partner.
Having fun should not be an activity that occurs by default or subject to availability of funds, but rather a part of the relationship. Just like the way we plan for office parties, boys/girls day out and the church groups activities, love birds and married couples should plan to have fun.
From the simple acts to more comprehensive plans, couples must plans to take up fun activities together.
Consistency
It doesn’t have to be an expensive venture; when there is no money, take up activities that don’t involve spending money.
The first place to start is to schedule some “couple time” when you two will spend time in having fun. This should be special ‘us time’, which should be guarded jealously by the couple from distractions. It could be a day over the weekend, an evening in the week or one whole weekend in a month. Consistency is key.
After setting aside the ‘couple time’ the next challenge is settling on what to do with it.
Paula advises couples to “Learn to balance between shared hobbies and group activities.” Hobbies could include swimming, nature walk, jogging, playing chess, dancing together, playing scrabble or any other sport.
Surprises
While having basic games might look childish, it helps ease tension within your relationship. The games also help distract you from serious routine activities and fights that weigh you down.
To make the fun times exciting, a couple can adopt the aspect of surprising each other when the partner least expect it. A surprise communicates that you thought about him/her. Whether small or big, a surprise enables a couple to have fun while at the same time make the partner feel special.
“Women love the element of surprise and suspense,” says Nancy in her advice to men.
Intimate time
Joining other couples in fun activities also helps marriage or dating journey fun. You could go out together for a lunch date, sleep overs, weekend-aways or watch movies together.
“Spending time with other couples and engaging in fun activities can help strengthen the bond between a couple because it creates an ‘us’ that’s separate from ‘them’,” adds Paula.
Even as couples seek to engage in fun activities alone or with other couples, it is also critical that this is tampered with some quiet ‘us time.’ This is when couples take intimate time to be alone just to talk about the status of the relationship. This could include a dinner or coffee date or just sit alone at a quiet place.
“This helps couples get in touch with the status of their relationship and possibly address any pending matters weighing them down. It is also a time to share how to make the relationship better,” says Paula.
