Anything goes at end-of-year parties

By Peter Ndoria

End-of-year parties have become the subject of so many work-related scandals that they should perhaps be renamed ‘termination parties’.

When a certain organisation recently held its party, the CEO’s secretary brought along many relatives including cousins and nephews who were visiting for the December holidays.

A born-again Christian, she spent most of the evening preaching to the younger employees who were having alcoholic drinks. This explains how she forgot about her cousin’s son Carl, who was asleep in the open field after having one too many.

The parties all start peacefully enough, with everyone being ill at ease around the bosses and a few smart-alecs using the opportunity to remind the higher-ups that they exist. Then that animal called ‘open bar’ comes in and soon you have youngsters talking to their elderly bosses as if they were high school mates. When the beers kick in, it is not surprising to hear a loud unapologetic burp from the corner interrupt the CEO’s speech in the quiet hall.

With free alcohol flowing, young impressionable employees take the opportunity to ‘stock up’ on their alcohol levels while the inexperienced drinkers see it as a chance to find out how many bottles of beer they can handle.

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Viewer warnings

Soon, you have a jolly Miss Belle calling the company Group Chairman "Darling" in front of his wife and holding him in a manner that will surely mean war with the Missus when they get home.

Bobby at the other corner is getting more aggressive with every passing sip and soon he is loudly talking as if he is in those Afro-American movies that come with viewer warnings because of the strong language. He is so loud and explicit that the Human Resources Manager has to personally take him out of the hall. And perhaps out of a job, come January.

It is not only the younger ones who get into trouble at end-of-year parties. Last year when a certain bank held its party, there was this elderly man who was quietly imbibing his beers at the farthest corner, minding his own business. So quiet was he that others forgot that he was there as the formalities wore on.

Just as the CEO was being introduced to give his speech, the now-plastered man stood up as if to leave. His knees, however, gave way and as he fell, clutched at the tablecloth and went to the ground with it and all the drinks and snacks on the table.

Romantic liaisons

The hall fell into a hush, including the perplexed CEO. When the elder stood up, he saluted the CEO, called him by his first name and told him that he had to go home "to those who cook for me", all in vernacular.

Romantic liaisons have been known to crop up at these functions, whether they are opportunistic like those interns who wish to become permanent employees come January when the appraisals are done.

They very willingly become what are now known as ‘chips funga’, that is the boss’ ‘take-away’ for the night. Other liaisons are less strategic and provide the excuse for a young chap and lass to break off the sexual tensions that have been keeping them from each other. Lots of free alcohol at a company function is the perfect excuse.

End-of-year parties are also the perfect place to know what others think of you. Nicknames like ‘Tumbo tele’ or ‘Crocodile dandy’ are tossed about within hearing distance of the female departmental head, who incidentally seems to be so blasÈ that she laughs her head off at the thought.

Loose word

She is wearing her famous tight knee-high skirts though she is sitting rather awkwardly as if she was in trousers and seems to be chatting up a chips-funga intern.

Needless to say, the morning after to an end-of-year bash is usually a confusing one depending on how much one remembers or in whose bed one wakes up.

Jobs have been lost because of a loose word or action and promotions gained because of networks formed at these parties.