We’ve all made promises we regretted making after achieving some mental clarity.
That however does not change whether spoken in the heat of a moment or carefully considered over time, they hold significant weight in both personal and professional relationships.
They are a form of trust between individuals. But when they are broken, the consequences can be far-reaching affecting not just the reputation of the person who fails to deliver, but also their mental wellbeing.
From the time we’re young, we are taught to value integrity and follow through on our commitments. Keeping a promise, no matter how small forms the cornerstone of healthy relationships. But life comes with its uncertainties, leading to situations where promises are unintentionally or deliberately broken.
While the immediate effects of broken promises may be felt in the disappointment or hurt experienced by others, the deeper and often less discussed impact lies within the person who breaks the promise themselves.
Psychologically, breaking a promise can trigger negative emotions. Feelings of guilt and shame are among those we feel almost immediately. You will feel like you have betrayed someone leading to a diminished sense of self-worth.
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Over time, this erosion of self-esteem can become chronic especially if you internalize the belief that you are unreliable or incapable of maintaining your commitments.
Research into the psychology of trust and promises by Dr. Brené Brown, a leading authority in the field of vulnerability and trust, suggests that when we fail to meet our own expectations ,whether it’s a promise made to ourselves or others, we often experience an acute sense of shame.
That shame is not just an emotional experience but is deeply tied to our sense of identity.
When promises are broken, it can feel like a personal failure, leading to spirals of self-doubt and anxiety. Not only does this shame affect your self-image but it can also impair your decision-making and the ability to form new, trusting relationships in the future.
There are also reputational risks to consider. In both your professional and personal life, you rely on your reputation to maintain connections and gain new opportunities when they arise.
When others experience disappointment from unmet promises, trust is broken leaving the person who broke the promise with a tarnished image. In the workplace for instance, this can be particularly damaging.
Colleagues and clients may start to view you as unreliable and over time, this can undermine those relationships.
However, it’s not all doom and gloom. Acknowledging the hurt caused by unmet expectations and openly apologizing can restore not only others’ faith in you but also help heal the fractured relationship with yourself.
Speaking with a mentor or counsellor can also help you process those feelings of guilt and shame and gradually rebuild your sense of self-worth.
