Hi Chris,
All my relationships seem to end in tears, so I guess I must be making a lot of mistakes. I’m not doing anything obviously wrong, like cheating, but what else could I be doing that’s driving my boyfriends away?
Driving Them Away
Chris says,
Hi, Driving Them Away!
Most of the mistakes you make in relationships are completely unconscious, so your friends get fed up without you even noticing.
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Like always putting yourself first. If you don’t take your boyfriend into account when you make decisions, he’ll eventually leave.
Or being dishonest. It’s fine to tell small, friendly untruths, but lying about big issues will really strain a relationship.
Your boyfriend won’t be open with you either if you give him a hard time about everything. Or if you gossip about things you’ve been told in confidence. This means he’ll stop talking about things that bother him, and resentment will build up.
Another problem that’s really hard to live with is insecurity. If you’re constantly suspicious and trying to keep an eye on your boyfriend, it will eventually wear him down.
Another big mistake is being passive-aggressive. Sulking, rude remarks, eye rolling and sullen body language. If you’re upset, communicate openly about the problem.
Having a negative attitude to everything will also damage your whole relationship. Especially if you’re also endlessly critical. Instead, try to keep your conversations warm and focus on the nice things. Otherwise, your boyfriend will start avoiding you.
What if you have something important to say? No ambushes. Bring it up in a friendly, neutral way and make an appointment to discuss it later. When you’ve both had time to think things through.
Don’t start withholding sex to get your way. It’s one thing to be upset or not feel sexy from time to time. It’s quite another to deliberately withhold intimacy to get what you want.
Above all, keep your word. Whether it’s not keeping a date or something much more important, a promise is a promise. Nothing will drive your friends away faster than endless broken promises.
All the best,
Chris
