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Our Kenyan men are romantic the ‘juakali’ way

 We should learn to focus on pertinent aspects of what makes a good man

I read with amusement a piece sometimes back on how Kenyan men either do not have romantic bones in their systems or the poor cartilage has been so under-used that it has resultantly become dormant. The sister in her opines decries the deficiency in chivalry that has gripped our men.

Granted, her sentiments cannot be entirely be thrown under the propeller of disapproval for instance the fact that a Kenyan man would ask you out for a date and instead take you to those noisy and dingy clubs in the CBD, buy you a few drinks and expects you to hit the sack that very night.

However, the Kenyan woman ideology on romance has been influenced by soap operas and chick flicks which has consequently made them unrealistic, impossible to impress and intransigent. It is imperative that our women acknowledge this is Africa and there is something about our men that make them distinct from the rest. They do not carry their women’s handbags on the streets but are macho enough to kill the rats in the house without having to call the Kenya Wildlife Services (well, pun intended).

Point is, they are not cut for softie stuff. It beats logic why a woman would subject a good man who is responsible and tolerates her tantrums to the jury made up of her equally brainwashed girlfriends just because he has never got her flowers. To begin with, you probably do not have a flower vase and all you want to do is take pictures and flaunt them for your Instagram account.

Yeah, it is the thought that counts, great; but if he is thoughtful enough to take you out to dinner or handle some of your bills, don’t you think flowers are a bit trivial? Long gone are the days when women were humble enough to accept dates from decent and simple men who would take them out on picnics or middle level restaurants, these days, it is either a date at a high end joint or nothing.

If you fall short on that then you are labeled unromantic. It is a little wonder they have resorted to old and rich men known as sponsors. When a man who has a car takes you out on a date and hires you a taxi to take you back home instead of dropping you himself, girlfriend do not catch feelings, work hard and get your own ride, that one is his. So what if he does not pull chairs or open car doors? Is that the ultimate criteria for judging the worth of a man?

Besides, the feminists war cry has always been to denounce the notion that the woman is a weaker sex, but if you cannot pull a mere chair or pull a door for yourself then you are depicting yourself as weak. If you decide to go out without a warm garment in tow in the name of freeze and shine, it is fallacious to expect a man who is equally prone to feel cold to hand you his coat unless otherwise.

Of course, Alejandra makes dinner while Maria Clara does her nails, Ben Affleck stayed home with the kids while Sandra Bullock went out with the girls in that chick flick you recently watched and expect your typical Kenyan man, born and bred in Muchatha to tack you up on the sofa, prop your head with a pillow, hand you the remote as he burns his fingers in the kitchen after a long day at work just because you need your hair intact after a day at the hair dresser.

As women, we should learn to focus on pertinent aspects of what makes a good man especially in the African concept. Western expectations on the same will do us more harm than good. If he respects you, loves you genuinely and is responsible that is chivalrous enough so kindly take a seat.

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