Valentine’s Day does not define romance

 If he is kind, hardworking, supportive and always there for you, you should appreciate the little things he does for you

Valentine’s Day beckons; the worst holiday of the year! The unattached folks aren’t the only ones dreading this happy unimaginative, consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day.

Valentine’s Day sucks for quite a number of women who have ‘baes’ too, reason being that the men in their lives don’t have a romantic bone in their bodies.

Valentine’s Day, just like birthdays and anniversaries, is guaranteed to be an epic letdown. It will be just another sad reminder that they don’t have the kind of relationship they would like to have; a relationship bursting with television-style romance, where the man surprises his lady with flowers and chocolates and a candle-lit dinner.

Most Kenyan men are not romantically inclined. Quite a good number of them have never bought flowers for a woman in their lives. Hoping for a grand romantic gesture or an over-the top Valentine’s Day fiesta from them is wishful thinking.

They must have missed the memo that they should treat their women on special occasions. They have to be poked and prodded to do the simplest romantic gesture, which beats the whole point of being romantic because it should be his decision to surprise you. You should not have to ask him to get you something for Valentine’s Day.

Dating an unromantic man is a challenge. You see women at your workplace receiving flowers and chocolates on special occasions and you feel envious. Social media makes things even worse because on Valentine’s Day, Facebook is rife with obnoxious posts from women who are getting treats and gifts from their boyfriends. It makes you feel like you are not good enough and not worthy of being romanced.

Women believe that if a man really loves a woman, he is moved to extreme romantic measures, so, the fact that their men are not doing this for them is proof that they must be unlovable and unworthy of romance. They take grand romantic gestures to be concrete proof of real love.

They believe that if a man really loves you, he would have no problem going the extra mile to show it. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Romantic men are a rare find. Most men aren’t that creative and thoughtful. Just because your boyfriend is not the romantic type doesn’t mean he is bad or cheap, and it definitely doesn’t mean that you are not important enough for him. Men express their love in different ways.

If he is kind, hardworking, supportive and always there for you, you should appreciate the little things he does for you instead of obsessing on what he doesn’t. Stop comparing him to other guys. Real love is far more profound than the superficial romantic stuff which they show in soap operas. It would be foolish to throw away a good relationship just because the romance department needs a little improvement.

However, every man has the capacity to be romantic. Talk to your man about arranging romantic treats once in a while, perhaps a fancy dinner on special occasions. He can change a little to make his woman happy.

@roxannekenya