Who will employ these clueless graduates?

 Inflation is hurting all Kenyans of average means and it will take a graduate an average of three years to secure a stable job

Many universities released their charges into the market last month.

Ideally, it is supposed to be a cause for celebration, but this is the worst time for anyone who graduated.

Jobs have become scarce at a time when universities are churning out thousands of clueless job-seekers every year.

Inflation is hurting all Kenyans of average means. And sadly, the Higher Education Loans Board (HELB) only gives you a year from the time you graduate to start paying your dues. Failure to pay the loan results in a Sh5,000 monthly penalty, yet it takes a graduate an average of three years to secure a stable job wherever.

Some of those who graduated are already in employment or just a scholarship away from advancing their degrees, mainly abroad. A few more will be swallowed into employment in due course. But many have to brave the various stages of unemployment.

Unemployment starts with a phase of reckless optimism that sees some newly-minted graduates turn down offers they deem beneath them, only to regret years later on realising that the experience and peanuts earned then would have been key to career growth in future opportunities.

This phase is punctuated with shallow expectations of six-figure salaries. But reality is alien to fantasy as most have no idea what their job descriptions are for the salaries they dream of earning.

Secondly, in the meantime, a graduate will have to figure out where they will stay away from home. Some will go to some seedy slum or lower middle-class hoods and start out. Good move. Nothing inculcates responsibility than the struggle to pay own rent. Some move in with relatives. It is not rosy here. Making enemies with the wives (or husbands) of their hosts is easy. What with accusations of eating too much, or not knowing how to use the flush toilet?

If your brother’s wife hates you, do the honourable thing and just move out.

The third phase is forces you to adjust to reality. It happens when you fall out with your folks, your girlfriend or landlord. You have no option but to start afresh, mostly with nothing since all your earthly possessions would have been confiscated by a shylock. This is when you learn there is more to life than death threats from Al Shaabab.

The fourth stage is when you realise that virtually all your closest friends are doing well, but won’t bail you out in the hour of need. Male friends will only buy you beer, but rarely loan or give you a few thousands to steady your miserable life.

Female friends you eyed all along will have moved into marriage or motherhood. No time for you, brother. Besides, loyalty is not any woman’s surname. And while at it, you will shortly realise life often has ways of favouring women. An old flame might marry into riches, do a ‘spread sheet’ up the corporate ladder and affirmative action is there, just in case things fail.

Fifth, you will take up horrible jobs or try out some awful business idea. None will work. It will break your soul.

And sixth, things will prove so hard, almost impossible, forcing you to go cool your heels in Chebarbar.

Finally, things will work out. You will get a wonderful job that will wash away all the pain. And you will be surprised at how quickly you will catch up with your peers. Just keep your broke chin up for now. Things always work out as long as you don’t take to brown sugar, liver knotting alcohol or testing Kenya’s criminal penal code.

@nyanchwani

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