Pregnant question: What do men do with paternity leave?

New mothers have always been granted maternity leave to recover from the ‘labour’ of childbirth and nurse their new bundle of joy. But why do men need paternity leave and what do they do with the time?

When Angela Akoth gave birth a few months ago, she had plans for the hubby’s paternity leave.

“I wanted him to watch the baby as I slept. I was worn-out and drained after delivery. I was also anxious of the well-being of my munchkin,” explains Angela, adding that she also expected him to change diapers, help with chores, besides “bonding as a family.”

Another new mother, Nelly Njeri, who gave birth through C-section, expected the husband to “help me around the house as I regain my strength as my wound heals.”

Sheila Mwaura, a businesswoman says her hubby took the leave when their three kids were born but was only around for the first-born.

“When the second and third babies came, he took the leave but was busy attending to his own things. I would only see him in the evening like I did when he was at work,” says Sheila, adding that the husband often returned home exhausted, “took a shower, ate, checked on the baby and headed straight to bed.”

She didn’t mind, as staying indoors turned him into “a couch potato, always busy on his phone, laptop and surfing through the TV channels, he could not even hold the baby.”

Clearly, it appears that Kenyan dads are clueless on what to do with paternity leave. Michael Musau told The Nairobian that, “Sometimes the baby cries endlessly and I have no idea what to do. The mother could always tell from the sound and manner of each whether little one was hungry, tired, sleepy or needed to be changed. So, as far as she was in control, everything was just okay. But all hell broke loose when I was left in charge,” he recalls of his paternity leave.

Angela gave her man a 65 per cent score on meeting her expectations during the paternity leave “because he tried.” But she was irritated by his constant reference to his work and calling his colleagues.

“I was so jealous. I felt this should be exclusively our time. For nine months, he knew I was expectant. He should have planned his work by then. It left me wondering, do men really look forward to the paternity leave or is it just forced on them?” She further wonders, “Would they rather do other activities than nurse me and the baby?”

Carolyn Bosibori though had no illusions about her husband during paternity leave. “I’d rather have him out of the house because I can’t deal with two infants in the house. That would just raise my blood sugar levels.”

Carolyne says the lucky mothers are those whose husbands are exposed, “but if you know you married your ‘Mandingo born’ and raised here, then his work is only to feed you. You might think he doesn’t care, yet it’s his upbringing and he is only responding to nature.”

But there are men who know what is expected of them during paternity leave. James Khaemba got married in early February last year and has a one-month old daughter. “I even change the diapers. I don’t see what the big deal is. She is my daughter. Surely, the mother is tired,” he says.

But not all fathers are with him on this. “What is her role then? Poses Mark Kadambi. “I think we are too brainwashed by the Western culture that we forget what our forefathers used to do. We should just ensure that the mother and child have food, shelter and clothing,” says the father of four.