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Dear Uncle Ted,
Three months ago, we had a bitter quarrel over our two-year-old daughter’s hair. I told my wife that I want my baby girl in a ponytail, but she went behind my back and put her in dreadlocks.
I got pissed off and shaved the baby’s hair. We haven’t spoken or had sex since because my wife wants me to apologise.
Of course I won’t. I am a man. Unfortunately, I am ‘starving’. Should I get a mpango?
Tom
Tom, why are you involving yourself in womens’ issues? If those two women want to tie hideous, orange coloured feathers on their heads, that is their business.
Shut your trap, pay up and mumble that it looks great. Now, regarding your sex life, invest in a pair of cheap, yellow shoes for your woman.
The higher that shoe is, the cooler you become. Fling in a wildly coloured string that will barely cover her nether regions, buy her chocolate and a bunch of roses and then take her out for dinner. If you do not stare at the waitresses and madam hammers three Smirnoff Black Ices, you will be home and dry.
Mpango is only fine so long as you are scratching wife’s back.
Remember the watchie is very gifted at sniffing ovulation in wives’ with unscratched backs.
