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Uncle Ted: I haven’t had sex for a year with my drunkard wife

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 Help! Photo: Courtesy

I am a married man and have a problem with my wife of two years. This is tearing me apart.

Many times, she comes home very late at night when she is drunk and reeking of cigarettes.

She promised to change, but her insatiable appetite for alcohol and cigarettes has intensified. She is often too drunk to cook. Once she even slept outside. Sex is a rumor in our house, in fact, we last had sex in May 2015.

I suspect she could be pregnant with another man’s child. What I detest most is that annoying breath that escapes that thing she calls a mouth whenever she is intoxicated and insists on talking into my ear. I am unable to divorce her because she pays the bills as I am jobless. Please help.

Jim 

Dear Jim.

You are a very lucky man. In fact, shut that thing you call a mouth and enjoy yourself.

This kind of arrangement is called ‘sponsorship’.

She is the sponsor, and you are the beneficiary. It doesn’t matter that you have never had sex since Jubilee came to power, just eat, dress, watch Manchester lose crucial matches, then wait to open the door when she comes home drunk and smelling like a smoking zone.

That’s a small price to pay, after all, she is taking care of your lazy bum. 

 

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