Fatherhood 101: When children leak family secrets

 Kids say the darnest things      Photo:BoredPanda

Every family has secrets. But not all secrets are confidential information. Some are random conversations happening around a dining table, which, for whatever reason, families want to stay around that dining table.

Many families have a child, or two, who leak secrets. Which is why, nowadays, when Pudd'ng goes out to play, depending on whatever information I feel is private, I slap her with a gag order.

My peeved parents said ...

Last term, Pudd'ng's debating club went for the music festival, and returned home at around midnight.

Tenderoni and I took issue with the school for not informing parents about this inconvenience.

The next day in school, Pudd'ng told her debate teacher about our displeasure, which was an "in-house" affair.

And our up and coming debater suffered the consequences of her leaking our conversation: she was left out when the debate team went for the provincials the next week.

My father said ...

One day I grounded Pudd'ng, but I bent the rule and let her bask on the balcony.

When her friend from the neighbouring apartment asked to come over, the shouting conversation – which the entire court must have heard - made me wonder why I did not put a gag order on her ...

Pal: "Can I come over to your place and play?"

Pudd'ng: "No, you cannot come."

Pal: "Why?"

Pudd'ng: "My father said he does not want any of my friends to come over."

My mother said ...

One time Tenderoni cautioned baby girl against playing with a certain girl. Tenderoni was concerned that the girl would be a bad influence.

When the said girl showed up at our place, our daughter did not pretend. She gave her silent treatment.

All the while, we were holding our breath. We knew that, if push came to shove, Pudd'ng would not hesitate to let the cat out of the bag.

And then she unceremoniously did it: "My mother said I should not to play with you."

The Bible says ...

Like many Christians, we have a particular place where we always sit in church. And we are in the same cell group with other Christians who sit in this amen corner.

The ladies in this amen corner always embrace Pudd'ng, and ask her about Tenderoni's welfare.

One Sunday, on our way home from church, Pudd'ng told me she came clean: "When the ladies asked, I told them mama doesn't come to church because we leave her sleeping ... and when she wakes up she does housework."

"Why did you tell them all that?" I asked.

"The Bible says to always tell the truth."

One year we did not attend church for three months. When we made a comeback, I coached this little witness beforehand: "When folks ask you why we weren't coming to church, tell them I was working."

"Dah-dee? But the Bible says to always tell the truth."

"The Bible also says children should obey their parents."

Heartrending conversation

When Tenderoni and I were separated, I constantly worried about how our daughter was internalising the situation.

Each time I got the guts to tell Pudd'ng what was happening, I lacked the words. And when I had the words, and had crammed the 90-page script, courage failed me. Still, I knew that, the longer I waited, the crazier Pudd'ng's self-made story became.

I found out the real situation from Pudd'ng's class teacher, whom the worried little girl had confided in, but only saying that mum and dad were not living together.

A day later, I talked to Pudd'ng. I reassured her that this was a temporary situation.

That was the most heartrending conversation I have ever had with my daughter.