Drunken MC ‘buries’ the wrong body

The resident sots, who have faithfully been ruining their livers, despite the scarcity of medical specialists in that department, were dissecting their burial trip to the coast the other day.

While alcohol has ways of making most see with their mouths, few disagreed with what they saw with their naked eyes during the funeral of Karembo’s cousin-in-law in Kongowea, mwambao wa pwani.

Karembo, as you know, is our resident hooker at Wa-Hannah’s, where she comes to tega for business sporting skirts so short her ngotha is longer from the hem!

The centre of attention during the funeral service was the MC with bloodshot eyes and Father Gakombe, who has become a regular at the local, seeing as it is, Roman Catholic priests are not barred from ruining their celibate livers and not necessarily because ‘Man-like Jesus’ turned water into Kenya Cane.

By the way, what would have happened had the legend from Nazareth taken a puff of the ‘holy herb?’ Probably society would be more tolerant of weed addicts, huh?

Back to the funeral service in Kongowea.

Kang’ethe arrived high like a kite after kuchapa five ‘head cleaners’ but did not understand why the MC referred to the deceased as Mwashetani.

“Wandugu wapendwa, tuko karibu kumsindikisha Mwashetani kwa Mungu,” the MC mouthed, without noticing mourners were curiously staring at him like he was the ghost of Alice Lakwena.

Owish, who was missing in action but later explained, “Nilikua natoa lock mtu wangu,” noticed that the MC occasionally rushed behind the dais “kupiga flush,” before inviting Father Gakombe to conduct the service.

“Mwashetani,” began Father Gakombe, “alikua mtu wa kanisa katikati.” But he did not proceed after the MC received a call from his kabambe phone. “What do you mean you’re lefting the mortuary now and I am already at the funeral of Mwashetani...ama the deaded is called who?” he asked loudly, with eyes getting redder after checking the name of Mwendapole, whose face smiled back at him from the funeral programme in his hands.

Those who knew Mwendapole said in real life he was always in a hurry.

Diameter, the political analyst, noticed that Kenyans normally listed VIP relatives first; with those lower in the food chain being condemned as “among others” in funeral programmes. Karembo was “among others!”