Hips, big bums are the currencies in which African men transact business with women

By Tony Masikonde | 7yrs ago | 3 min read

I have noted with that there is a new annoying fad in town. Women are now denying themselves food and vital nourishment in a bid to have the smallest waist this side of the Sahara. Every woman now wants to be slim. The unfortunate thing is that as they chase this slim figure, other vital areas also suffer. Women are becoming tiny by the day.

Have you ever taken a lazy stroll down a street and you wonder whether schools are closed? This is because there is a big number of tiny girls crawling along. But a closer look confirms that these very slender girls are not in primary school, but are actually grown women in college and some have even gotten the attention of KRA. They believe that the thinner you are the better and sexier, you are. This is the fallacy that has been forced down our women’s throats by the westerners.

Ladies, if you are in Africa and you expect to be appreciated as a true African woman, you got to have hips worth shouting home about. But the unfortunate thing is that in their grand scheme to wipe out every rumour of flab on their bodies, these urban girls are also denying themselves a fantastic ‘asset’.

Mark my words, without this fantastic ‘asset’, it will be hard to trade in Africa. Hips and bums are the currencies in which African men transact their business with women. Without hips and bums worth clinging onto, it’s like operating an account with one of those tiny banks whose performance and liquidity is as unstable as mobile network in my shags.

So the big question that we have been asking ourselves with my boys is critical. If a girl is not strong enough to carry her own hips, will she manage to carry a pregnancy? I’m innocently asking this, hoping you won’t pelt me with vegetables next time you spot me in town, like it almost happened to Oyunga Pala years back.

MAFISI SACCO

If you have been keen enough, you will have noticed that there many other little races our women are engaged in. And I’m not talking about our gold harvesting athletes from Karbartonjo and Iten. Remember the era of the cold war, when America and Russia were in an Arms race? That one! We are now in such a race.

Modern girls have picked up the model and are engaged in a race in various fronts. One of the other quiet races among many women is the lightening race. All of sudden, there is a ‘stampede’ towards getting lighter. Many girls have taken to skin lightening creams and applying it on their bodies with reckless abandon.

I am also reliably informed that you can swallow tablets for a couple of weeks and in no time you turn from purple to luminous green. You come so light and yellow that the yellow stickers call you yellow. I am yet to establish why there is a sudden mad rush to become yellow.

I need to sit with a couple of platinum members of Mafisi Sacco to enlighten me (no pun intended) on why they are demanding light projects. I will also ask if light projects go hand in hand with light duties.