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Irony of Kenyan queens of fakes looking for real men

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 Girls,you keep saying you are looking for a real man yet half of your outside appearance is not real Photo: Getty images

The so-called modern girl is a mysterious human being wrapped in enigmatic body. In the modern rush to be the fairest and the most bootylicious of them all, many girls have taken to making enhancements to their bodies.

Let us take an elaborate examination of her body. If you look at her nails, they are of course not hers. The nails will be as long as a doctor’s scalpel. Pray, how does she do her cleaning and kneading dough to make chapati? A woman who cannot make chapatti has got neither reason nor right to expect a husband. At least, not from my clan.

If you come for a date donning fake nails, what do you expect will happen to that relationship? It has already been established under fake things and, therefore, it can only be fake.

The other day I attended high-end dinner party for a departing diplomat (yes, I get invited to such) and one of those very talkative ladies with fake nails had to eat humble pie when one of her nails fell into a distinguished guest’s wine as they toasted to the diplomat’s good health.

What happened next was a like a scene from a Hollywood comedy show. Let us go to the hair. The other day I was escorting my aunt as she boarded a matatu to Narok and she asked why everyone in Nairobi has long black and flowing hair. I assured my auntie that majority of these women rocking the good looking hair was actually not theirs.

“Is it also from China?” she asked quite perplexed. Seeing her confused look I offered to give some more about the hair. I informed her that from what I have gathered there is the hair that is manufactured and another type that is cut from women especially in the Far East.

Fake eye lashes

“But why would someone cut her long hair for someone else? She posed. “I hear some hair cut from dead people” I answered. “What?” she shrieked. As we trudged along the city streets we bumped into a former workmate of mine, she is one of those ultra-light girls, so she uses red lipstick quite liberally.

After we had parted with her, my aunt noticed that my friend looked like a cat that had just mauled a rat. I informed her that this is the preferred modern look of the women in the big city. “But why do they apply paint on their lips?” she asked. I had no response.  I tried to ignore her and concentrate on avoiding a mkokoteni fellow who looked intent on running us down.

She persisted: “Masikonde, why do they do it?” “It is claimed that they are more beautiful with their lips coloured,” I told her. She burst out laughing. “A woman looks like a hyena that has just stolen my goats and you call that beautiful? I hope you will not get such for your second wife,” she hissed. I just smiled and looked in the distance.

Long time ago, the eyes were an integral part of the dating game. You could look a girl in the eyes and you could tell how well or bad you were doing. But that strategy is no longer tenable. It was for another era.

The fake eye lashes that many girls now wear make it hard to even tell when she is looking at you. I am wondering, girls you keep saying you are looking for a real man, yet half of your outside appearance is not real. Which man wants a fake?

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