×
The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
  • Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
  • The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
  • P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
  • Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
  • Email: [email protected]

South B drunk lights up pub with crazy antics, threatens to sell wife on OLX

Counties

Patrons at a popular pub in Nairobi’s South B estate were treated to an odd alcohol-induced comic relief last weekend. This was after a pissed-off drunk scandalised his nagging wife and threatened to put her up for sale on OLX, a free online classifieds platform where users advertise ‘used goods’.

The evening began well, with patrons filling the ever-packed entertainment joint. Alcohol began flowing freely as revellers danced and enjoyed themselves. However, as everyone was having a good time, one unidentified drunk was experiencing  probably the worse evening of his life.

His busy-as-a-switchboard phone just couldn’t stop ringing, with his wife nagging him about his whereabouts. Angered by her incessant phone calls and text messages, the drunk jerked upright and began disparaging his better half, asking for anyone in need of a wife to take her.

“Good Lord! I can’t take it anymore. I am going to put this woman on OLX! Is there any man here who needs a wife?” he shouted, arresting the attention of the rowdy patrons on nearby tables.

Slamming his phone on the table, the drunk flailed his hands in the air and yelled: “Enough is enough! A man can’t just enjoy his drink in peace? This is too much, I swear I am going to sell this woman.”

With all the attention of tickled patrons now shifted to him, the drunk, with a rather self-righteous indignation, loudly wondered why bad things only happen to good people.

“Why me Lord? I am fed up with this woman. I have been on my best of behaviour the whole week, but now I just can’t enjoy a drink in peace? These are the kinds of people OLX is meant for. I am going to sell her to any willing buyer,” he blurted out in drunken stupor, with fellow patrons busting in gales of laughter.

The drunk went on and on, pouring his heart out to the thrilled patrons. He, at some point, agonised about his wife’s paranoid nature. Claiming that she is crazy, he explained how she always suspects him of cheating, and the weird methodology she uses to check for evidence when she suspects he has been up to no good.

“My worry is that even if I put this woman on OLX, the man who will buy her will return her the following day, claiming a refund! She is crazy. She assumes each time a man goes home late, he must have been sleeping with another woman. Each time I get home late, the first thing she does is to sniff my privates, hoping to smell traces of cheating,” he said, throwing the hearty drunks around him in delirium.

Party pooper

“Every passing minute, she flashes me. When she gets tired of that, she calls or sends text messages, asking same boring question, ‘uko wapi (where are you),” he explained, with fury written all over his face. “Damn it! What is it with some women? She is being a party pooper. All she needs to know is that I am not dead. I am alive and kicking and am still on planet earth. If I were to leave earth for another planet, I would tell her,” he scoffed as he went on to rant in a drunken slur.

Boasting about him being a real man, he derogatorily wondered why she expects him home early as if he were a chicken. “For Christ sake, what does she want me to do in the house this ‘early’? I am not a chicken. Again, who can harm me out here? I mean, most of the thugs know me and when I am broke I always tell them and they leave me in peace,” he blurted, leaving thrilled revellers in stitches.

Claiming he had had enough and wanted nothing to do with her, he went on to rant about her, leveling all sorts of accusations against her. He even blamed his being skinny on her nagging. “How can one grow fat with such noise around them every day?”

Related Topics


.

Popular this week

.

Latest Articles