Single ladies: If all the men are unsuitable, you are the problem

By Anne Muiruri | 8yrs ago | 3 min read

Last Friday night I found myself at one of the latest hoity toity café in Nairobi’s Kilimani area. That their foods and drinks are overpriced was not surprising, especially if the ambiance is anything to go by. I had a good time, I must say.

However, one interesting observation I made was that the place was packed with women, most of whom I suspected were single and probably searching for men. Oh yeah, I am a woman and from a kilometre away, I can tell a woman who is single and searching.

Tables were packed with women dressed to the nines, all hurdled in groups like a flock of sheep. Only about two or three tables had men who had brought their women on dates.

In fact, if you were an alien and had just landed at the establishment, your would be forgiven for thinking an apocalypse targeting men had taken place, and only a handful had survived.

Basically, this was a sample of what is happening across Nairobi and probably in many parts of the country. There is an influx of relatively successful single women who seem not to be in a position to get men to date or marry.

A while back, most women were married by the time they were 20, and if one was really late they settled down in their mid 20s. That, however, is no longer the case, as there seems to be a rise of single women especially between the ages of 30-40 and over. The interesting thing is that most of these women are educated, beautiful and are quite successful and accomplished in their careers.

Shortage of good men?

A good number drive good cars, own properties all over Nairobi and can afford expensive holidays in any part of the world. This phenomena has been explained with just about everything in the book. Some people now claim that there is a shortage of good men.

While I have issues with the “too successful” and “too educated” mumbo jumbo being peddled around, what makes my blood boil is this propaganda of there being no good men.

I mean look around you, men are everywhere. Girls, if it is a man you want, you can find one. There is definitely no shortage.

Ladies, I have news for you: Chances are very high that you are the problem. You are the one who has refused to settle. You are either too choosy and you are looking for a ready-made man. Remember a man’s height, complexion and handsomeness don’t pay bills. So if you still looking for a tall, dark and handsome man, please, just grow up.

This madness began somewhere in the 1990s and now the whole idea of settling down has become so unpopular among most women. In fact, each time its mentioned, it evokes visceral reactions of distaste and even disgust, particularly for the high achievers among us women.

Women today are exposed and have very high (and some very unrealistic) expectations from men.

Most women have no time or patience to mould that average Mr wrong into a good man. None is ready to settle with those with potential and grow together.

Women these days have increasingly become sophisticated and most have a taste for the finer things, which they can hardly afford. And when they look around and can’t find men foolish enough to ‘sponsor’ their high-maintenance lifestyles, they start saying there are no good men to settle down with.

The bottom line is, if, indeed, you at a point where you feel all men coming your way are bad, then, clearly, you could be the problem.