The Kenyan editor who ‘massacres’ stories for a living

Back in his home country, the expatriate was, perhaps, a writer of cheekily satirical articles. When submitting his writing to the editor, the liberal expatriate would feel that he had fulfilled his responsibility and that the editor would, likewise, now do his job and not hack the article to death or stick above it a headline reading I, The Writer, Am a Fascist Fool.

In Kenya, however, the expatriate who writes satirical articles will soon realise that the generosity of his fine editor cannot be taken for granted, and that trusting this ‘professional’ is a little like trusting a hyena to babysit his young children (luckily, however, this particular expatriate has a good relationship with his editor, meaning he’s been permitted to write this piece without consequence).

Let’s imagine that the expatriate has been asked to write a weekly column called Random Blues, which has the following intention as he, the expatriate, sees it: ‘To write in the persona of a stuffy and slightly offensive expatriate (not himself) who fails to fully fit into the society he now finds himself in, and by doing so, both point out some of the eccentricities of Kenyan life and poke critical fun at the caricatured conservative and snooty expat.’

But then, one week, the editor decides that the writer’s own suggested headline for an article on Kenyans’ use of cutlery (The Great Cutlery Question) is rubbish and boring. The expatriate agrees, knowing full well that much of what he writes is rubbish and boring. However, the editor then uses his own title, something like, Eat with My Hands? I Can Never do This, and the whole fun of the article disappears as the illusion of a ‘persona’ is broken and the author (by the use of those words ‘my’ and ‘I’) is made to look like a bigoted, offensive are in front of his three or four regular readers. You see, titles ‘frame’ articles and control how they are read.

The expatriate is certain that his editor is aware of this, and he has been in Kenya long enough to concoct a terrible conspiracy theory that his editor is trying to get him not only sacked, but deported.

Because the expatriate is also a student of literature, he knows full well what happens when the illusion of a ‘persona’ is shattered: he as a human gets confused with his fictional alter-ego, the ‘character,’ and starts getting critical bloody emails from all manner of people who quote at him the old phrase, ‘When in Rome...’ One says, ‘Go Back to America,’ which is rather odd, as the expatriate doesn’t come from America.

The expatriate is confused as to why he’s suddenly receiving these emails when, previously, people have been kind, have understood the faked ‘persona,’ and have sent positive emails.

So he investigates, and finds that headline.

The expatriate, then, being new to the country, asks around to find out if assassination is legal in Kenya. If it is, his editor should be worried!